Cut short

One caption and five short stories all about... oh, you'll see what the theme is.  Not for everyone, but those of you who like this theme seem to like it a LOT.

George goes looking

Of course, George knew he shouldn’t pry into her secrets.  But he really had stumbled across the little cloth bag by accident.  And, truth be told, after the initial shock, he was secretly rather turned on by the thought of his young, innocent (or not-so-innocent, he thought, deliciously) wife playing with herself.  The vibrator was quite complex, bifurcating at the end into two quite separate attachments, one ribbed and one smooth.  There were also several tubes of different brands of lubricator, a book of what he presumed to be mommy porn and a couple of DVDs.

Giving in to curiosity, he carefully placed one of the DVDs into the player, unbuttoned his trousers and settled back on the bed to watch.  While it was loading, he turned at random to one of the stories in the porno book.  The first page or two seemed to be all about a description of Derek, and his massive penis and balls, so he flipped quickly through the pages, looking for the sex scene.  It was a doctors and nurses story, it seemed and Derek soon got tied down and then –

Then the story seemed to go in a direction his brain could hardly process.  Derek’s massive balls remained the focus of the story, with much loving description of how elasticised tape was round around them tighter, and tighter, and then a metal dish was placed underneath, as one of the nurses reached forward with a pair of cutters and...and...

 

He looked up in shock.  The DVD was frozen on the menu screen.  A poor quality image filled the screen – obviously from a home movie – of a tightly gagged man staring out with eyes widened in terror.  Behind him were the blurry shapes of two middle-aged women, fully clothed, their faces covered by masks.  “Painful penectomy #19” read the title, inviting the viewer to press play or select scenes.  The little images of the later scenes showed…something impossible.

“George?” he heard from the bedroom door.

 

Full settlement

 
“Do I really have to do this?” he asked wretchedly, looking out through the stationary car’s windscreen at the semi-detached house opposite.

Emily squeezed his knee sympathetically.  “I know it’s difficult, Alan.  But you just have to do this once and then you’re a free man.  Actually, you’re keeping more than most men do, these days. Take it from me – I’ve been a divorce lawyer for nine years, and it’s never been as difficult for men as it is now.  At least you kept 20% of your income.  Come on, let's go in.” 

“Into my very own house” Alan muttered, as he got out and they started to cross the road.

“Best not to think like that” Emily advised.  “It’s her house now, so there’s no sense in moping about it.”

“But does she have to make it all so public?” Alan murmured despairingly as they arrived.  And it was true – Karen had really made a party of it.  As the laughing, chatting crowd parted to let them through, he thought he recognised several of his ex-girlfriends.  And he got an evil stare from Karen’s friend Janice.  He’d always hated Janice and the feeling was mutual.  In fact, he strongly suspected that Janice had inspired his wife to divorce him, and to fight so hard through the courts.

“It’s quite the fashion” Emily admitted.  “Actually, I did it when I divorced my husband too.  Women love to come to settlement parties.  Especially when there’s a castration involved – oh look, there’s Karen.  Come on – it’ll all be over soon enough.”

“All here to watch me lose everything.” Alan sighed, as he walked slowly forward to where the desk with the freshly printed papers was waiting for his signature, next to a table with leather straps waiting – he assumed – for his wrists and ankles.  He kept his head down, not meeting Karen’s eyes  - but instead found his gaze drawn to the shining instrument she was clutching in her hand.  

 

Cliché

“You know” she said, kindly, “actually I’m quite embarrassed.  I mean, it’s such a cliché, isn’t it?  Sexy woman picks up a guy in a bar, suggests some mild bondage, and then turns into some kind of psychopath when he’s all tied up.”

“So…you’ll let me go?” he gasped, desperately.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll let you go, sweetie” she giggled.  “Most of you, anyway.  Now I’ll be back in a few minutes, when I’ve sterilised the instruments.  And like they always say in the bad movies - don’t go away!”

 

Last chance

“But – “ Christopher pleaded despairingly.

“No argument” the doctor said, sternly.  “They’re both infected, and if we don’t amputate immediately the infection’s going to spread.  I’m sorry, but there’s no other option.  Nurse!  Can you prep the patient for immediate surgery?” And he walked off.

“Sorry love” the buxom blonde nurse remarked sympathetically, as she started to draw the curtain’s around Christopher’s bed.  He sat back, devastated.  This was not how he imagined being nineteen would be.

“Nurse” he quavered, as she injected something in his arm.

“Yes, love?  Anything I can get you?  It’ll take a few minutes for the anaesthetic to take hold.  Then you’ll feel all relaxed.”

“It’s just…well, I’m still – still a virgin!”

And he started crying.

“Awww…there there” she shushed.  “Poor thing.  Never mind – there’s other things in life.”

He looked up at her hopefully, and she got his meaning.

“Why you cheeky little – I’m old enough to be your –“

But then her heart melted at his sad little face.  “Oh – I’d like to help, love, I really would.  As it’s your first time; well your only time actually.  Only it’s my time of the month!  I’m sorry.”

Then she had an idea, and smiled, first to herself and then down at him.  “You just hold still then” she murmured, gently lifting his surgical gown aside.  Then she licked her ruby-red lips, while smiling down, now gazing at the excited swelling rising up to meet her from below.

She bent down, and he could feel her hot breath, against the straining, shiny, taut glans of his engorged penis. She opened her lips, giggled slightly, and –

“CARDIAC ALERT!  CARDIAC ARREST IN WARD B.  ALL NURSES ENGAGED IN NON-ESSENTIAL PROCEDURES IN WARDS A-C TO WARD B IMMEDIATELY. IMMEDIATELY.”

“Ooops…sorry love.  Not your lucky day is it?”, she called over her shoulder, dashing away.

Feebly, Christopher lifted his right hand towards his still straining member, for one…last…

…and then the anaesthetic took hold, and he found he couldn’t move.  The nurse had been wrong.  He didn’t feel relaxed at all.

 

Listen very carefully, I will say this only once

“STOP THE PROCEDURE!” Isabell Green shouted, crashing through the operating theatre door.  “The DNA test says it’s mistaken identity! I’ve got a stay from the court!”

From all fours on the operating table, Mark looked up at his triumphant, panting lawyer, hardly daring to believe it.

Then he felt a sharp pain between his legs.  And heard a dull, wet thud.  Like a small piece of meat from the butcher’s shop falling, against a metal surface.  And in the background, that tinny, irritating music.

The music got a little louder as the doctor behind him looked up, and took out one of her earpieces.

“Sorry, what was that?” she asked.  “I had my i-pod in.”