He married a maths teacher

 

Now then, Colin, you’re…let’s see – five foot three in height.

Runty little shortass.

Aaaannd your cock is… oh dear oh dear - three inches long.

Yes it is – look.

Oh for goodness’ sake.  All right, because the room’s a bit cold we’ll call it three and a quarter, OK?

So - how much of you consists of cock?  Can you work it out?

Sixty three inches tall, with a cock that’s three inches long.  Yes, all right, three and a quarter.  Pathetic. 

So…?  Three and a quarter goes into sixty-three how many times?

Yes., it would be easier if it were just three into sixty-three, wouldn’t it?  But Mr Big Swinging Quarter Inch insisted, didn’t he?  So now he’s going to have to work a bit harder.

Nineteen and.... Nineteen and a bit, you say?  What – a little extra foreskinny bit?

OK, yes, let’s call it one in 20.

So – what proportion of you is cock?

No, not one in twenty.

Hmmm?

Well, because you’re not one-dimensional, of course.  Except emotionally.

No, that was a joke.  Look - even though you look like a single long stream of piss, you are in fact a three-dimensional object, so your mass and volume go up in proportion to…?

In proportion to…?

Sigh.  No, not ‘pi’.  In proportion to the cube of your length.

Your cock is one-twentieth of your length, so it constitutes about one over twenty cubed of you.  Which is?

One four thousandth?  Do you need the cane?  I knew we should have done this as a schoolboy detention game.  Try again.

Eight thousand!  Correct!  Finally.

Now, you spend about six thousand hours each year awake. 

So – how much time each year should you spend playing with your cock?  Hmm?  If that's proportional to its size?

That’s right.  Three-quarters. 

Every year, you get to spend 45 minutes playing with your cock.  Not all at once, obviously.  I was thinking maybe three fifteen-minute goes.

No, I don’t want to discuss it, I just want you to say ‘Yes Chloe’ and thank me.

That’s right.

Oh don’t look so depressed.  Imagine how bad it would be if you were of normal height!

 

...and it wouldn't be such fun beating you up, either.