Sometimes you need a little help

Hi there!  Amdigames in-game help, Sara here!  What can I help you with?

Er… no, sir, I guess all our male helpers are busy with other callers.  And also, that’s just a little sexist. I am entirely familiar with all our –

Sure, OK.  No problem.  So: what game have you been playing?

Virtual Girlfriend 3.0?  Oh-kay!  Let me just load that up for you.  And are you playing the parentally blocked version, or the adult edition?  Oh-kay.

So… menu screen… full adult.  Do you have kind of sex toys plugged in or are you just using…

Your hand?  What do you mean, you're using your – oh I see. No, I actually meant what game controller are you using.  I’ll just put mouse and keyboard.

OK, and can you tell me which virtual girl you chose?  Oooh, Suki! OK. 

So what’s the problem?

She won’t what, sorry? ‘Put out’?

Oh, I see.  OK, hold on. What level are you on?  Cos like for the first few levels, you’re just wooing them and it’s only on level three that they –

Level six?  OK, that’s weird.  She should be putting out everything she's got by then, no question.  And did she, er…, 'put out' on the earlier levels?  No?

OK.  Let’s see.  I’ll just run through a quick script to shortcut through to … OK, so I’m on level six, and I’ve poured her a drink and Suki says… what does Suki say, hang on...

Suki says she wants to run her hot tongue up and down my throbbing love piston.  She also says her pussy is soaking with carnal desire. 

You got the same dialogue? No? What does she say on yours?

She’s ‘got a headache’?  Hmm… That’s really not supposed to happen. Is your avatar still wearing clothes?  OK, try dropping your pants.  Let her see your, erm… ‘throbbing love piston’.

She's what?  She's laughing?  What kind of laughing? Laughing funny, or laughing hysterically, or laughing like - I dunno.  How's she laughing?

She's 'laughing like the girls always laugh'?  OK.  You know, sir, I'm not sure what you mean by that.  But I think it sounds like Suki might be a little glitched there.  Maybe we could try a different girl?  Can you go back to the menu page?

Yeah, just choose any of them.  You should see 24.

Only three?  OK, well, just choose one of them, I guess.

Amber?  OK, sure.  So, you click on Amber and you should see her phone number.  And then you’re gonna call her, and Amber’s gonna get all hot just at the sound of your voice and then –

She hung up on you?

OK, well you can still visit her apartment.  You know – you can get these stealth skills, so you can sneak into girls’ apartments and hide in their closets as long as your stealth skill is at level 3 or above, so –

 - your stealth skill is at level 19?  Wow.  I didn’t know it went up that high.  You must really like sneaking around in girls’ erm… anyway!  That’s great. So – let’s break into Amber’s apartment and see if we can surprise her undressing or something.  (euw)

You in? OK?  So what’s Amber doing?

What do you mean, she’s not there? She has to be there.  She’s just a few lines of code in a game, she doesn’t get to decide to go out and do something else…

Nowhere to be seen? Are you sure? 

OK, well look sir, I’m really sorry.  I don’t know what the heck has gone wrong with your game, but we can send you a voucher that you can use to purchase any of our – what?

She left a pair of stinky trainers and her bin is full of used tampons? OK, well like I said sir, I’m really sorry that this has happened and –

Fine? What do you mean, it’s fine?

Sir?

Sir?

Sir I’m still online here and I can hear you.  If you wouldn’t mind putting the phone down before you… before you finish what you’re doing I’d appreciate it.  Only we’re not allowed to terminate the call ourselves you see, and –

Oh gross. Oh I so hate my job.

Hhhhhhmmm.

Sir?

Sir?

Oh, hi?  So… Sara still here… Amdigames?  Can I take it you’re now OK with your game?

Great.  And... ermm… I have to ask, were you satisfied with the way this call went?

‘Entirely satisfied’.  Yeah, I kind of guessed that.  OK, well, I’ll say goodbye then and … go off and have a shower or something.

Wait!  I did not say that!  You are NOT to think about me having a shower, because –

Damn, you’ve gone.

EUUUGGHHH!  That was so....  Oh, YUK!

Hey Tony, can I take a five minute break?  I need to wash.  Like, really thoroughly.  Then I’d like to go back to the MMO section, if I can?  I miss the days of telling nerds they need more strength to lift their orc-cleavers.