Air Divine cabin crew are fully trained to deal with all situations, so sit back and let us take control. |
“Welcome aboard this Air Divine flight from the United Queendom to San Domina. On behalf of the Captain and Her crew, we hope that all female passengers will have a pleasant flight with us today. Our flight time to San Domina is nine hours and forty-five minutes. Our apologies again for the late departure of your flight today. As you know, this was due to male incompetence leading to air traffic control problems in the UQ area. We are expecting to encounter strong tailwinds during the flight and We hope to make up most of the 20 minutes and have every expectation of an on-time arrival in San Domina. Nonetheless, in accordance with UQ aerospace policy, the air traffic controller and today’s air traffic control supervisor will each be receiving a stroke of the cane for each minute the take-off was delayed. I have just been informed that this will be administered as soon as they come off shift later today, so once you reach your hotel in San Domina, you might like to visit the Air Divine web site, where you can observe the video of their correction by entering your flight number, or download it as a souvenir of the trip with our compliments.
Female class is towards the front of the aircraft today and male class towards the rear. We have a rather full flight with almost thirty female passengers and one hundred and seventeen males. We recommend that female passengers do not enter the male area, which is situated past the jacuzzi area about two-thirds of the way down the length of the aircraft, as the configuration of the seating in male class makes movement difficult and the overcrowding may sometimes result in unpleasant odours. Rest assured that we are running the air conditioning at full capacity, and will be keeping the door to male class firmly closed throughout the flight.
In female class today, I will be your stewardess, with my five assistants, and we will do everything possible to make your flight as agreeable as possible. You each have a personal slave, presently stowed in the base of your seat, in addition to the ten cabin slaves who will be assisting the cabin service today. Please make use of any or all of these facilities, to provide amusement and diversion during the flight in any way you desire. As this is a long flight, please check with a member of the cabin staff before inflicting debilitating punishment on any of the cabin slaves. We should have plenty, but we do need to ensure that enough remain conscious towards the end of the flight to ensure that the service standards on which we pride ourselves are maintained all the way through to disembarkation.
Passengers preferring to use their own slaves in-flight are welcome to do so, but please ensure that these are stowed in the overhead lockers or securely under the seat in front of you for take-off and landing.
We have a full range of audio-visual treats on your personal screen, including on this flight a special feature from the Other World Kingdom. Playstation games and vanilla media are also available. We have seven playrooms available in female class, all equipped with a fine range of leather, rubber and electrical toys. Playrooms 2 and 7 have been designated for watersports. Please refrain from watersports in any of the other playrooms. Please note also that toilets 3 and 4 are fitted with toilet slaves for your convenience, the others using traditional bowl technology. The playrooms are all fully soundproofed, so please feel free to express yourselves fully. Passengers who are nervous flyers are particularly encouraged to make use of the facilities, as it has been clinically demonstrated that these uncomfortable feelings of nervousness can be effectively dissipated by the screams produced by a vigorously punished male. In the event of severe turbulence, please leave the playrooms and return to your seats, without stopping to untie or loosen any slaves.
The smoking area is situated towards the front of the cabin. Please ensure that all smoking materials are extinguished in the slaves provided prior to our commencing the descent. You are welcome to smoke at all other times.
In male class, the cabin Supervisors are Miss Hardcastle and Miss Clarissa. Passengers are reminded that they may not attempt to leave their seats, talk or consume any items without permission from the cabin supervisors. Seatbelts have been locked and will remain so for the duration of the flight, and gags will be administered to any passengers finding the no-talking policy difficult. Our cabin Supervisors are fully trained in whipping and other corporal discipline, so your compliance in this regard is appreciated. Each male will be permitted one bathroom break, to be taken only at the times required by our Supervisors. In the event of a desperate need for a bathroom break at any other time, please inform the supervisors, who will be happy to fit tourniquets and anal plugs to prevent leaks. Passengers considering soiling their seats should be aware that Air Divine operates a strict policy of testicle-crushing for any such offence. All male passengers should please be aware that Air Divine operates a strict no-wanking policy on all its flights. The toilets are fitted with semen detectors, and any violation of this rule will result in an immediate whipping and tight suspension for the remainder of the flight.
The Supervisors will shortly be passing through the cabin distributing the in-flight entertainment, which today consists of 1500 lines. The line today is “There can be nothing better suited to my status than to spend a nine hour flight writing lines. I am strapped to my seat with no means of escape should the plane crash, supervised by cabin staff who would have no qualms whatever about watching me die in agony.” Passengers should note that lines must be completed, legibly, at least 30 minutes prior to landing. Incomplete and illegible lines will result in a note being made on the passenger’s file, and correction will be administered on your next flight with Air Divine. Passengers may care to glance towards the back of the cabin, where they can observe lazy slaves from previous flights hogtied to the ceiling, for the duration of the flight. Nipple clamps will be administered for the final three hours of their flight, as we find that the agonized moans help other passengers to concentrate on the importance of completing their homework.
We will shortly be serving drinks and light refreshments in female class. We have a very complete wine list today, and a fine range of spirits and mixers for cocktails or any other drinks you may require. We have a fully-stocked kitchen on board, with fresh meat and vegetables, as well as bread produced during the flight in our on-board bakery. There is no specific menu: please simply order what you like, and our three trained chefs will endeavour to produce it. Please remember to fill in the customer feedback form if at all disappointed with the meal preparation, as we like to hold our staff to the most exacting standards and we make full use of customer feedback in their weekly performance review and incentive sessions. We have a fresh fruit and salad bar, but for a less healthy option, may I take this opportunity to remind you that we stock most of the world’s leading brands of chocolates?
In male class, nosebags will be distributed and attached about halfway through the flight. Passengers are reminded that all the food must be consumed. Owners are assured that the nourishment provided in male class meets San Domina standards of hygiene for male consumption, and that the rank odour in no way indicates that your slave will be damaged as a result of consuming it. Passengers in male class are also reminded to make full use of the two opportunities during the flight to consume liquids, as additional watering will not be provided except in cases of severe dehydration leading to unconsciousness.
In the unlikely event of an emergency, the captain will illuminate the emergency signs in female class. Please return to your seats and allow the cabin slaves to secure your seat belts. Oxygen masks will descend from the overhead lockers, and will be gently fitted by the cabin slaves. Please note that oxygen supplies are limited and we regret that none can be provided for personal slaves, who must be securely stowed in the overhead lockers or under the seat in front of you in an emergency. In the very unlikely event of a forced landing, please disembark the aircraft as quickly as possible, in the directions indicated by cabin staff. Do not stop to pick up any personal belongings, such as handbags, laptop computers or slaves. Your safety is our number one concern. Once all female passengers have left the aircraft, the crew will conduct a final check before themselves disembarking. In the even more unlikely event of a landing on water, three cabin slaves will be installed in each life raft as emergency food supplies.
In the event of an emergency the door to the male cabin will be locked by the departing cabin supervisors. Regrettably, under emergency conditions it will not be possible to reopen this door, as the screams of terror may prevent important safety announcements from being heard in the main cabin. Once again, I remind you that the safety of our female passengers is our number one concern. Passengers concerned about their slaves should be reassured that Air Divine’s comprehensive insurance cover, included in the price of your ticket, provides for full replacement of any property, including owned males, damaged or destroyed in-flight.
On arrival at San Domina, please collect your slaves from the slave hall before proceeding through passport control. Holders of San Domina passports need complete no immigration formalities for the importation of live slaves. Holders of other passports should note that males accompanying them will be recorded as entering as their property for the duration of their visit, and should fill out a form of temporary ownership. Males must be tattooed with an ownership number at immigration. If you do not wish your male to be marked in this manner, or for any other reason would prefer not to be accompanied by your male during your stay in San Domina, please make use of the kennel facilities in the airport, where your male will be stored securely and hygienically for the duration of your visit. Should you wish to sell or otherwise dispose of your slave during your stay, or acquire a new one, please ensure that you fill out a change of ownership form, as males are permitted to leave the country only under the control of their designated owner. Note that duty-free allowances for spirits, wine and tobacco apply only to people as defined under San Domina law, not to males.
Once again, on behalf of Air Divine I hope our female passengers enjoy the flight, and that our male passengers do not. If there is anything at all that can be done to make your flight more enjoyable, or your slave’s flight less so, please let me or my cabin staff know and we will endeavour to assist. We know that our female customers have a choice of airline, and we appreciate your continued custom aboard Air Divine. Finally, may I draw your attention to our frequent flyers programme? Frequent flyers with Air Divine can receive a wide range of awards, from free samples of our exclusive range of Air Divine crops to perfumes, fine wines and jewellery. As an additional incentive, new recruits to the programme will receive a free slave. Membership is free, so please sign up today and pick up your free slave from the customer help desk on arrival.
Enjoy your flight on Air Divine, your dungeon in the sky.
Air Divine: We never forget they don't have a choice. |
“that slaves left unclaimed 30 days after the due pick-up date will be removed and may be destroyed”.
ReplyDeleteWould trying to auction them off before not be more correct? Maybe somebody from among the ladies would buy the abandoned male stocks if they are rather cheap
Well, they're usually in pretty poor condition at that point, as no-one's been paying for their food, so for 30 days they've just been scavenging scraps. So they wouldn't fetch much. But you might be right. Perhaps you should suggest it to the San Domina authorities?
ReplyDeleteSlaves uncollected from the luggage carosel on arrival are regarded as a security hazard, though, and are always destroyed with a controlled explosion if not claimed within four hours.
Do you think that the welfare female authority would take a foreign male citizen’s protest into consideration? But I think if a “protector of the male slaves organization” exist in San Domina would be possible to write for them.
ReplyDeleteI'd write to the airport authorities in the first instance. I understand they have a whole department just dedicated to dealing with complaints.
ReplyDeleteTo ensure you get a prompt response, I recommend you mark the envelope "Unsolicited male advice on how to run your airport". And be sure to include your home address.
I'm sure they'll deal with you...sorry with your complaint straight away.
As a sub male i like the idea of kennel facilities where men can be stored ,surely this could be used in other areas ,any town could have a male storage facility ,where women could place a man and have all the benefits and pleasure of a man free day this would be very popular ,whole areas would become man free ,this is of great benefit to women as men cause most of the trouble in any area women would not have to put up with men drooling over them ,men are useless irritants ,the best place for us is in storage ,so the area can become women only ,there would a lot of very happy smiling women ,when men are out of the way
ReplyDeleteVery true. Short-term storage for when she just wants a weekend to herself, long term as a hassle-free alternative to divorce (so much kinder than murder, too). I'll ask around - someone must have thought of this already and set one up, surely?
DeleteIt is a good idea to keep the men locked in at all times during the flight ,but the best place for them is in the cargo hold ,that way the women don't have to even think about them ,let the men sweat in the cargo hold .
ReplyDeleteWell, as I understand the temperature at standard cruising altitude is a brisk -15 Celsius, I don't think they'll be sweating much. But yes, I certainly agree in principle. They can wriggle about to keep warm, I expect.
DeleteIts even better that its freezing ,the men can be tied onto wooden pallets then put into the cargo hold by fork lift truck then left for the entire flight ,it would be really uncomfortable and the women could enjoy the thought that the men are freezing and suffering ,at the end of the flight the women could either have the men placed in the storage facility or take them with them
ReplyDeleteI would love to travel with that air company
ReplyDeleteWell who wouldn't?
DeleteApart from normal people, obviously. But we don't get many of that sort reading this blog, I'm very glad to say.