Vacation, all I ever wanted (3)

Vacation, all I ever wanted (2)

Vacation, all I ever wanted

It's that holiday time again.  Sun, sand, sea and sangria - so it's kennel time for poor old Servitor for two weeks.  Still: at least I won't get rabies. As has become a tradition, I'll queue up a daily post of three random, mostly slightly old but previously unpublished captions.

She should be home to let me out in about two weeks, I understand.

Enjoy.

Obeisance

The trick to a happy marriage is to realise when she's not actually 'asking'.

Mummy's got grown-up things she needs to do, by the look of it, poppet.

I do, I do!

It sounds ideal.

What have I got to lose? Rationally speaking?  Not much, to be brutally honest.

Earning my stripes

And I didn't even use paracetemol - that's cheating.

Poor thing - thinking about it all afternoon like that.

Like steel needles, huh? Oh dear.  Many of us know how awful those can feel.

And don't forget the gratitude time. That's very important.

Submissive women... fear them.  I mean, it's not natural, is it?

To wear that ball and chain

It's been the ruin of many a poor boy.

She has.  Twice already just this week, actually.

Can't disagree with that.

He's actually going to be hotter here at home than she is on the beach, oddly enough.

She volunteered for the sexual crimes squad. Said she wanted to give something back.

Yeah... yeah.  Just pretend.  It's fine.  Go with it.

When you're dancing slowly, sucking your sleeve

The boys get lonely after you leave.  I've featured this before, of course. 

I have to admit she's right there.

Breaking up is always painful - this no more so than most.

 

Silly old Kurt - fucks my wife, takes my money... I think he's just covering up feelings of insecurity.

No regrets, though. She doesn't allow them.

Awww...., isn't she sweet?  How could anyone say no to that?

Lip service

There are lots of things submissives know about that 'ordinary people' don't.  It's an odd thought, but most people have never been peed on, for instance (by an adult, anyway). 

Oh, well if David wants me serving canapes then of course we'd better go!  Sigh.  David this, David that... honestly, one day I'm really going to have to set some boundaries in this relationship. But not today. What do you think? I favour the one on the left...

She said stare at the ground, moron.

Erm... yeah, the ironing.  About that...

Brain damage play can be a lot of fun, but you need to make sure you pick short and simple words to use as safewords.

Superior judgement

She didn't ask what Tony thought of it, of course. He'd have just the same opinion as Jane, anyway.

Don't worry, if you haven't brought one she's probably got something you'll be able to use to become really sorry.

They had to lift the ban on cruel and unusual punishments, of course.

They seem very nice, don't they?

Behind the scenes, the Avengers movies are a lot more femdom than they seem. I'll just mention that Iron Man is not the only one who wears a rigid metal shell, and leave it at that, I think.

Being the best she can make me

You know, there are whole 'pick-up artist' sites that are all about how to get women to take their panties off, but none of them have hit upon this very simple technique.  It's just about understanding her needs, really.

I would.  I wonder what it would have felt like.

Going to be a long, hot summer.

More women suffer from having excessively deep vaginas than many men realise - almost everyone I've been on a date with has had that problem, remarkably.

It's a form of 'one woman one vote' system.

Further details available here.

Not now, John

I'd forgotten this had femdommy bits - mildly suggestive only, I guess, and with that very special 80s pop video fuzziness, but I actually find that nostalgically erotic.*

Anyway, on with the 21st-century nonsense.

I always find a good beating really brings an apology home. And a bad beating, still more so.

It would be very odd to be the sort of guy who visits a sex worker who doesn't tell him off and treat him with contempt and disdain.  A bit limiting, I've always thought.

Might be time for that safeword, actually.  Now what was it.  Pretty sure it wasn't 'mmph', sadly for him.

She hates ironing, loves whipping.  That's why this happening.

There's a splendid phrase in British english "Face like a slapped arse".  I think that's one problem I don't have - I have a face like a slapped face and an arse like a slapped arse.  When I've been lucky.

*I once caught the first 1 minute of "The Dominatrix sleeps tonight" on a BBC 2 pop programme, when I was, I dunno, sixteen or something. Oh. My. God. Then they stopped playing it.  Noooooo!!!  For years afterwards, every time I watched a music programme, or a bit of MTV when visiting somewhere (we didn't have it), there was a little glow of hope I might see it again, or see more of it.  Never did until the Internet came along and then I was more jaded, of course.

Speaking with authority

Once when I was in hospital I tried out the 'just a little prick with a needle' joke* on one of the nurses. But she just looked confused and said "But I'm the one with the needle." I did feel a fool.

BDSM's odd like that. Subs are actually much more interested in exactly how the implement feels than the dommes.  My SO seems to grab any old thing at random sometimes when she wants to hit me - I actually feel that shows a lack of respect, which is lovely, obviously.

Starting with this.

Makes it all worthwhile.

It's rather an exciting art form, not least because it needs weekly refreshing.

* "I know you are, but what are you going to do with it?".