Hmm? This?
Oh – well, I’m a bit embarrassed you caught me reading
it, actually. It’s the autobiography of
a professional ‘dominatrix’. You
know? One of those tarts that dresses up
in leather and smacks men's bottoms. Can you imagine?
Janice lent it to me.
I thought it wouldn’t be my thing – well, it isn’t really – but I can’t
put it down. It’s amazing some of the things she gets up to.
Sad too, actually.
She says one of her oldest clients is married, but he’d never plucked up
the courage to tell his wife what he wanted.
And it’s weird because she sounds like a real harridan! Apparently, one time he turned up for a
‘session’ and he wanted to cancel the thing she’d planned, because this wife
had just been screaming at him after he’d wrapped the car around a tree. And he felt the need to be properly punished
or something. Should have just asked his wife to take the cane to him – she sounds like the sort of woman who’d enjoy it. Do you remember how cross I was that time you
crashed the car! You’re lucky I didn’t have a cane handy, now I come to think
of it! I'd have given you what for.
And he wants to spend his time serving her as her ‘slave husband’
but of course he can’t say that either, so he just does odd bits of housework
and fetches and carries for her and things – serving his mistress in his head
you see. (Oh thanks, love – just put it there on the coaster. Sweetener not sugar, right? Great.)
It’s amazing, the freaky stuff that’s out there, isn’t
it? People leading these sad, secret
hidden lives, and you’d never know. He must have wasted a fortune on this "Lady Nightshade". Maybe it's best if his wife never does find out! She'd probably be furious - wouldn't you? I would. She charges hundreds each time! All that money, just for a sore bottom once in a while.
You
know, her ‘dungeon’ is in Ealing? Near the tube station. I mean, she calls it a dungeon but it's a walk-up apartment really. Just like any other house. You probably walk right past it every month,
when you go and visit your osteopath.
Can you imagine?
This was some of the funniest bit of flash (quick, short writing) that I've seen in ages. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Tom. What you call "flash" is what happens when a caption gets so long that the combination of text and image starts to look like a postacard with the image as the stamp, so it's time to post the two separately and call it a story.
DeleteI do find that I very rarely write proper stories these days. I used to do a lot of them - in fact that's how I started, long before I did any captions, writing stories under the instruction of my very first Significant Other. There are links on the sidebar there. She is disguised as "Mistress Valerie" and her lover as "Sandra" - pretty obvious to anyone who knows them but she has retired her web presence now, as she has a vanilla business, so I don't use her name.
Some of them are very weak, but some I'm still pleased with even years later - "The elves and the dominatrices" or "Rewards and penalties" in Vol II, for example.
Nowadays, the muse strikes me less often so it's mostly just the 'flash' stuff.