True love's first slap

Yes, it's Valentine's Day, a day when humiliation freaks worldwide will rush down to the letterbox in the morning, to revel deliciously in the proof that once again, not a single one of the three billion females in the world has the slightest romantic interest in any of us.

Actually, I did once receive a Valentine card, from this girl I really fancied at school and didn't have the courage to tell of my feelings for her, but it turned out it she had sent it to the wrong address and it was intended for someone else.  Goodness, how everyone laughed and laughed when that little mix-up was revealed in class, after I got down on my knees to confess my long-standing love for her.  I hope she wasn't too humiliated by her error being exposed so publicly, poor thing.

I do have a couple of Valentine-themed captions, as it happens, but not a full set of five, so I thought I'd... what's that, readers?  You say you don't give a flying fuck whether I creatively theme the blog or not?  That you just want to masturbate to images of pretty ladies saying humiliating or vaguely menacing things, so why don't I shut the fuck up and get on with it?

Oh.  OK then.

 

You could cavil at the poor quality of the photo, but this is Mistress Ardenne so even a blurry photo is more beautiful than 99.999999999999% of things on the planet.  Long retired, I'm sure, so don't even ask, OK?

 

 

Wow. No time for second thoughts - let's tie the knot!

 

 

My SO says the same: apparently it's 'easier' to leave me locked up.  Personally, I've never had any real difficulties masturbating (except when my penis is locked in a tube, or I'm in tight bondage or agonising pain, that is) so I don't really see why that should be but I don't doubt she's right.  For one thing 'doubting she's right' is #255 on the list of forbidden activities, just 243 places below masturbation itself.

Selecting honesty level two would have got you "Oh... it's all right, I suppose. A bit below average but I've seen worse."

Funny how it still feels just like that very first date you went on together.  Some relationships are like that, but it's very rare.

Misfortunate males

Oh dear, not again.  You'd think she'd have learnt to be more careful by now.

 

 

 

My SO promised me, when she brought out my first little maid's dress that if it ever became too humiliating, I could take it off.  So far, apparently it never has - in fact, she generally thinks it's not humiliating enough - so we've not really tested that, but it's good to know.  Safeguards are important.

 

 

Respect is very important in a marriage.

Young people in love can be so romantic... let's hope he gets out of their way quickly.

This humble slave once assumed 'supplication position #3' to ask its revered and powerful Mistress whether She would gracefully consent to granting Her humble slave the precious gift of a high-protocol BDSM relationship, but she just told it to fuck off and stop being so irritating.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's good to be the Queen

Nice of her to ask, but she really needn't have.

 

 

Don't judge her, OK?  Let her judge you.

 

 

 

Every hour is devotional time, surely?

 

 

 

Technically, it works just as well when he's not conscious, obviously, but she finds it harder to get motivated.

 

 

 

Poor things, I hope they're not too cold.  Thank goodness they have coats, anyway.

 

 

Leading women

People think that the whole 'femdom humiliatrix' thing is just a minority interest but back in the day when I was dating I met so many girls whose sexual fantasy was to deny me sex - and many who mocked my small penis, too.  They're out there if you know how to find them.

 

It's actually a bit hypocritical of her to say that, because in the six months before the op, she was the one who managed to work the subject into almost every conversation.  Still, probably best not to call her out on it... you know what she's like.

It's very odd - according to my SO, I often choose courses of action that lead inevitably to my being subjected to intolerable pain.  But she's supposed to be the sadistic one!  Go figure, as they say.

 

Erm... whatever we're permitted to say, I suppose?

Several of the prisoners in the nearby underground prison tearfully begged Madame Jana not to make him do that again, saying they preferred the whip.

And finally, any Swiss fans of the World War M series might want to note that their opportunity to serve their country in those crucial mobile laundry units has finally arrived.

Pure bliss and divine serenity

Perhaps she ought to explore ways to teach him what her orgasm sounds like.  There must be opportunities, for an independently-minded lady such as her.

.

Actually, most of the women I have ever paid to mistreat me are very kind to animals.  Maybe it's a balance thing.

Thank badness for that.

Hmm... let's think.  I'm not staying at a Travellodge, OK?  I do have some standards.

I read about this fake findomme who was defrauding her clients. Apparently she was taking their money and then not ignoring them at all.  It's sad that kind of thing happens, as it gives the whole industry a bad name.

Imagine no possessions

It's easy if you try - and find the right life-partner.

How do you like them apples?

Aww... that's rather sweet.  I hope he'll be OK after she retires next monh.

I can't stand those macho men who boast about the size of their chastity belts, can you? It's not the size that matters anyway, it's what you're not allowed to do with it.

Now isn't that just typical? Something goes wrong and she just assumes it's Roger's fault!  Maybe the guests got the date wrong, did she think of that? I expect Roger'll have a few words to say to her, if he can still speak after the whipping. And if she removes the spreader gag, obviously.

Of course, if she's fully paid up with a lump sum, then the longer he lives, the more it'll cost the divorcee storage firm.  Still, I'm sure they won't allow thoughts of that to divert them from behaving professionally towards him at all times.

....and just forRalph D:

The record shows I took the blows

And did it Her way

Yum.  Has it really been a year? How time flies.

No problem.  I'll just go and live out the remainder of my life nursing the ache at the core of my empty existence.  Bye.

Actually, if you save up enough of your pocket money, maybe you could... I mean, that would be OK, right?  About four months should do it, if you're careful not to spend money on anything else.

Well, I think it's outrageous. I mean, she wouldn't wear a coat that had been made by killing and skinning a human being, would she?

Don't forget to say gracias.  Mucho, mucho gracias, Senora

Baby it's cold outside

...but not quite cold enough yet for me to be allowed to sleep in the house.  Never mind.  Here are some wintrish captions.

It's a bit cruel of her, to focus so much on the depressing news of our changing climate. Look how unhappy he seems.

The treatment he's experiencing looks most unethical.  I'd click to inform People for the Ethical Treatment of Males about this disgraceful behaviour, but I only have one hand free and that one's typing.

Oh well.  At least your day had the prospect of some meaning, for one brief moment.  Back to your squalid and pointless existence.

The UK's not generally known for its outdoor porn shoots: pallid, goose-pimpled flesh shivering under a grey sky isn't really a turn-on for most punters.  Femdom porn, as ever, is an exception and Cruella especially has lovingly documented the effects of the changing seasons on the male British body.  The shoot above appears to me to be in early summer, when the weather is no longer wintry but is turning merely 'bloody cold'.  Impressive they managed to find a day when it wasn't raining, too.

OWK does actually have a complaints box for its male guests, surprisingly enough.  I spent six hours in it once. 

Mistress of arts

Women, eh? You can't just straight-out discuss something, she has to set up the whole situation just right to 'discuss it'. Oh well.  Better humour her.

That's a very wide hole. Still, maybe there are some guys who need that.  Not jealous...

Phew.  That could have gone quite badly.  Remember the time you bought that fur coat in the wrong shade of silver?

I wonder if in the years to come, he'll regret not having signed more forms?  After all, it's not going to be easy to sign anything, when she's done with him.

 This of course is the sweet and kindly Mistress Jo, of Cruella and British Institution fame.  She's just a softie really.

That's something we've seen a lot of this year - this contemptuous attitude to 'experts'.  She could easily double the efficiency of the plant by not sitting on it, for example, but you just try telling her that...

I was so upset that I cried

... all the way to the chip shop 

(trigger warning: video is unrelated to the subject matter of this blog, although I suppose those with a really really strong cuckoldry and insult fetish might just about find something in it).

 

And she'll hold on to that very special key, just to make specially sure.

It's true, actually.  There's nothing that drives away mild discomfort quite like agony.

A bit foolish, really.  She could easily claim pro-domme rates for acting as his slavemistress and then where would he be?

I eventually got round to asking my wife whether my performance in bed was OK or not.  I was a bit worried, but actually she was very nice about it.  Said it was so long ago she'd completely forgotten after all these years and why would it matter to anyone anyway?  I was so relieved.

Silly wasting money on a bus when it's only eight miles anyway. Think how good you'd feel putting the bus fare into the fur coat fund instead.  Every little helps.