We're mad as hell

...but that doesn't mean we're not right.

Just some stuff I saw on TV this week... or was it in a few years' time?

Desperate househusbands

Oh dear... the guys are sure to laugh at me now.  I mean... 'LUT'.  Doesn't mean anything does it?  How ridiculous.

I'm told that masturbating to porn can seriously diminish the male libido over the long run as well, so you just keep on doing what you're doing, 'k?

Actually, only one of them is going to be kissing in a very special place. Just after this conversation, the Mistresses decided it would be one orgasm between them, not one each.  But no jealousy, sissies - play nice!

My SO is very good at dealing with feelings of guilt, too.

Edwardian femdom. There's not enough of it about, in my opinion.

I'll get some nuts

Is this femdom?  Works for me.  But then, like at least 80% of the male British population, I adore Olivia Coleman.

 

But I've only got one - after that thing with Angie last week. Oh... go on then.

It's actually a grotesque stereotype that gay men molest straight men in public lavatories.  Also, most gay men aren't attracted to guys in little maids' dresses.  So: you're safe on two counts. But you can have the butt-plug if you want to be sure.  Or if she decides it might look funny.

You need to be careful online, though.  My SO once took up what She thought was an offer of a fit young 22 year-old guy and She found Herself the owner of this rather unattractive 52 year-old.  She was quite cross with him for lying like that, so of course when She later tried to get rid of him , he was badly damaged and She ended up having to send him to landfill.  I'm not saying people shouldn't sell themselves into slavery online, obviously, but they need to take some care, that's all.

That'll be two us without a choice in the matter, then. I wonder who does decide these things?

There's nothing so relaxing as knowing you can scream and thrash hysterically in fear and pain as much as you like.  Time to hand over control.

They did their duty

More dispatches from our heroines, the veterans of  World War M. Those mutts have a lot to answer for.  Never forget, never forgive.

And just for the history buffs, here's a short exerpt from an interview recorded about two years before the War broke out. Who would ever have thought we would have cause to be grateful to Chinese hackers?  Goddess only knows how the war would have gone had the mutts had an air force.

For who would bear the whips and scorns?

I once checked on a date-rating site after an evening with a very lovely lady and discovered she'd rated me lower than her vibrator.  Which I wouldn't mind so much, if that was the rating for sex but that was under 'personality'.

She's an expert negotiator.

Warning: the value of investment bankers can go down as well as up.

There's also 'maidspreading'.  That's when you stand with your legs held firmly apart with a spreader bar. It's usually a precursor to something rather painful.

You'd think they'd have guessed from the spreader gag.

Back to the nursery

You know I work all day to get you money to buy you things

... and it's worth it.

They still holiday in the same place, and go down to the lake to the pier and occasionally she pushes him in for old times' sake.  It's not always at the same time of year but it still has the same magic.  Last February the ice was so thick it didn't break when he fell on it - so much for global warming, huh?

Some men find it annoying and restrictive having to wear a shock collar, but really - it's ten minutes sitting plugged in by the wall most days... maybe 15 minutes at most after a lot of use?  Then you're fully charged and can get on with your life in whatever way takes her fancy.  It just takes a little planning that's all.

Many men get excited at the thought of watching passionate lesbian sex, but believe me after a few years you kinda start to feel a bit jealous?  Silly, I know...

 

Apparently she's having the schoolroom fitted out already.  If she's not even pregnant yet, I have to say that seems a little premature.

As I've always said: there's no job a woman can do that a man can't do too.  Just more slowly, not as well and with someone of a superior gender in charge to make sure he doesn't fuck it up.  Which, admittedly, doesn't work too well when flying a plane.  But Billy can have his dreams - then he'll grow up, meet a nice girl who'll sweep him off his feet and he'll settle down as a happy househusband, I expect.

Dommesticated

Bliss.  Link is, just for once, actually to something femdom-themed rather than random British music.  Really , honestly.  No, it's not Rick Astley.  I promise.  Really - try it.  It's a very sweet and sexy thing.*

I tried one of those virtual girlfriend programmes.  Something went wrong, though - after the first time I'd tried it, every time I started it up, the computer would just crash and shut down.  I thought it must be a bug so I called the helpline but the lady there just laughed and said she thought there was nothing wrong with the software and she put the phone down on me and blocked my number.  Computer-generated personalities can be startlingly lifelike these days, don't you think?

Well, let's hope she doesn't just fall asleep as soon as she's had her orgasm, this time.

Actually, most of my clothes these days are washable latex anyway.  The blood just rinses right off, so no harm done.

Fortunately, when you get near your own neighbourhood most people will already know that.

Even Hollywood megastars have to pay for some things themselves, huh? Still... I expect she can afford it.

* PS You thought it was going to be Rick Astley, didn't you?  Don't you trust me?  Just admit it - you don't trust me, do you?  Trust's important in BDSM.  I'm hurt now... and not in a good way.

Misbehaving

I'm sure he'd like to count the days.  Unfortunately, they keep the facility on a random sleep-eat-exercise-sleep cycle lasting anything from four to 48 hours, so he'll have no idea how much time has passed.  Which is just as well, because she's not actually going to be back in six months: that's just a little white lie to avoid hurting his feelings.

I had this idea because I'm going diving next week.  But don't worry - I'm not being fed to the sharks!  It's all very safe.  My SO and I are going with these two lesbian friends of hers, one of whom is going to be my 'dive buddy'.  It's her job to check my tank has enough air, as well as to ensure the proper amount of lead weights are securely attached around my belt, wrists, ankles and neck.  So, yeah: perfectly safe.

It's good to be a dog.

The pain from the spikes is all about her, too.

I made a similar point to my SO just the other day - wouldn't it be better some time if I felt sorry of my own accord, instead of her having to make me feel sorry?  But after quite a vigorous discussion, I realised what a bad idea it was.