Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Lachrymatrices



The annoying thing is, I only bought the car last week. But I guess I can do without it.  It's essential to prioritise, when making important financial decisions.




She doesn't mean the bondage. He likes the bondage.  It's the things she can do to him because he is in bondage that he won't like.



There used to be a brand of condoms that fitted me just perfectly, but the manufacturer decided to stop producing that particular size.  Not enough demand for it, apparently.  Over 20% of men are that size or less, but they make up only 0.3% of all sexual encounters, so... I can't really blame them.



And she'll decide whether you really really need it, or not.




My wife's very sexually demanding too, but I don't have too much difficulty keeping her satisfied: the local male escort agencies all give us loyalty discounts now and if I book in advance as well, I can get up to a 25% off the list price. Which is - just about - affordable on my salary, if I'm careful to economise on everything else.

Friday, January 18, 2019

Ladies in red


Men's libbers are actually firmly opposed to being spanked.  Most men are, actually.  But they always end up thankful for it.



I once paid a prostitute to have sex with me - booked with a credit card.  But when I opened the door to her, she looked me up and down, dug around in her purse, handed me the same amount in cash and walked off.  Which could actually be quite handy some time, if I'm ever somewhere with no ATMs.


Never try puppy play alongside an actual dog.  They're better at it. Much the same goes for sex and real men.  Don't even try - you'll just look foolish.  And you wouldn't want that.


 


Except that she's started by using social media to advertise, so her first clients are precisely likely to be your friends.  And your close family members.



She's sneaked a tub of lube into the bottom of your tuck box.  You know: to make the first few days a bit easier.  She's kind like that.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

They think it odd and Sodom and Gomorrah-ble

Isn't it delectable?


My SO can be scatterbrained like that.  Just last week was supposed to be my annual orgasm and the silly thing forgot it completely!  How we laughed when she realised the next day why I'd been looking so anxious. She still smiles when she thinks about it...





Abusive behaviour can develop slowly - or can be quite quick, starting almost as soon as one hands over the bag containing the champagne and the envelope with the tribute money. 




Tried it.  What now?  Hmm?



The rules can be quite strict.  I tried to change my name to my wife's and they wouldn't allow it. Isn't that ridiculous - in this day and age?  Apparently "Mywifes" is not an officially recognised christian name.


 

Well, I hope she's prepared to let him stay for the whole session, even if he did underpay.

Saturday, January 12, 2019

Good morning



Good morning, darling!  Happy honeymoon!  Aww... you're down on your knees, how sweet!  Are you going to give me a lovely little kiss?




Good morning, darling?  Now where are my morning kisses, hmm?




Well, you're not going to be able to greet me properly from all the way up here, are you darling?  Down you go.


Just on the top of the stocking today, I think darling.  I'm still cross with you.


Hmm? No... no particular reason. I just thought it would be nice to have my morning kiss at the back for a change.



Kiss!




  

Come on, hurry up.  You've got chores.




Well, I'm not going to get up just for your convenience, am I darling?  Just kiss the knee - no: the ankle.




Kiss!


So, anyway, Karen had a headache and went home early, so I had both of them to myself and - hmm?  Noise, what noise?  Oh: it's nothing, just my husband saying good morning.  Anyway, they had me kneel on all fours and...



Hurry up, darling.  There's something I need to discuss with you.




No, I'm fed up with you slobbering all over my shoes.  You can kiss the floor.



And kiss the cane, too, to show me how grateful you are.



Kiss, then tell me how many you think you deserve today.



Hmm? Oh - good morning. Actually, it's not morning but I suppose you weren't to know that.  Anyway, I just thought I'd let you know that I'll be away for a few weeks, so I'll fill the food hopper and put your shock collar on automatic.  Oh - and it's our anniversary on Tuesday - that's the day after tomorrow. Your shock collar will be going on and off on all day, to make sure you don't sleep. You've so much to be grateful for, I thought you wouldn't want to miss a second of it.     




Friday, January 11, 2019

Subination and dommission




Time to put those bra-fastening skills to work!  You trained for years for this - don't mess it up.




My SO likes card tricks. There's this one she does where I pick a card and I get the number of strokes of the strap equal to the number on the card.  Then she picks a card and I get the number of strokes of the cane shown on the card.  Then it's my pick again, and so on. It's not such a great trick, but she always finds it amusing.










I find the gentle touch of the electrodes somehow quite reassuring and comforting.  It's like - I don't have to worry about making my own decisions, you know?  Plus, every second they're not making me scream in pain is a bonus, so they make you appreciate the moment.








Big break, Pansykins!  Do this right, you might be promoted to skivvy.





Ah... they're going to play at being sailors.

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Order from chaos

More visions of a future... not the only possible future but one that seems more likely by the day.  Goddess knows, we deserve it.































Sunday, January 6, 2019

Financial liabilities




Oh hi, Mr Travers. Do come in.  This is Emilie Haskins – one of my colleagues who works in fixed-income products.

Thanks for dropping by.  Look: I've been thinking about our last consultation.  I’d like to apologise for…maybe over-reacting to some of the little jokes you made.  As you said: you’re from an older generation and I expect ‘in your day’ it was perfectly normal to compliment a woman on her legs.  Not your fault if you're a 'leg man' is it?  As you said.  And as you also so rightly said, it was partly my own fault for wearing quite such a short skirt. 

Just so as long as you remember that I’m your independent financial advisor, not a ‘lovely bit of skirt’ as you so… amusingly described me, I don’t see why we shouldn’t continue to have a business relationship.

All right then, Mr Travers, if you want to put it that way!  As well as a lovely bit of skirt.  Goodness, the jokes never stop with you, do they?  Such fun.  Anyway: to be a bit more serious, we’ve identified a customised financial product that we think is just right for you!  Haven't we, Em?  

If you'd like to come and sit down - I'm afraid there's only one chair, but Emilie here can perch on the desk.  As long as you don't mind her looming over you like that?   No?  Didn't think you would. Right then.

Now: this financial product.  It does take some active management, so you’d need to come and see me and Emilie about it… ooh at least once a month.  Or we could even visit you at home, if that's easier for you?  Would that be OK? Great.

Do you want to hear more about it…? I’ve got a 37 page brochure here, just erm... excuse me Em, would you mind shifting your legs?  Yes: here it is.  So, you could take it away if you like and...?  No?  You OK with just going ahead and signing?

Mr Travers?  Goodness, you were miles away there!  I was saying: shall we just sign?  Great. 

Right: sign there.  And there.  Sorry, I'll make some space here on the desk next to Emily's legs so you can sign.  Just there. No: there, Mr Travers.  You won’t sign in the right place unless you look at it, will you? That’s it.  This one’s for the bank: initial every page and sign at the bottom. Super.  That’s right, just leave the bit saying ‘Beneficiary’ blank: we’ll fill that in.   

And there’s another… oh, Emilie’s sitting on it!  Mind out Em!  There we are – if you could just…?

Yes, I suppose you had better sign it while it’s still warm! I warned you he was a joker, didn't I, Em?  Goodness, Em... you look like you're about to burst with laughter right now - but you have to keep that under control, OK?  Like we discussed.  Until the business is all settled.

Don't mind her, Mr Travers. She's just got a very lively sense of humour - just like you!    Anyway: you sign there, look: below where it says ‘Waiver’.  And again, under where it says: ‘Power of attorney’.  Brilliant. 

Great.  Well… I think we’re done.  Unless you have any more savings you haven’t told me about?  Right then.  Well, I think you’re all set for the financial future you most certainly deserve, Mr Travers. 

Oh - that's Em bursting out in giggles again! You've certainly put her in a good mood, Mr Travers!   And I've enjoyed our chat too: it'll be an absolute pleasure to take care of all your money.

We’ll call you in a few days, to explain a thing or two, once all the funds have been transferred, OK?

Bye now!