Friday, June 15, 2018

Contemplating the Devine

Impressively, one of the top search terms from visitors to this blog is a spelling mistake.  So this is a special post to celebrate the tens of thousands of pageviews by 'readers' who cannot spell the word 'divine'. 

Welcome, guys (I think we can safely assume the gender balance of this particular sample swings heavily male). Just thought I should give you a shout've been slowly typing the wrong word into Google for so many years now.  Yay!  Morons.

I'm aware of course that many of my 'readers' may not be native English speakers, so calling these people morons is unnecessarily insulting and might not be entirely fair.  But - DUH! - this is a blog for males who enjoy being unnecesarily insulted and treated unfairly - remember?  Morons.

Hey, guys, you know you should try booking a schoolboy session with one of those severe English schoolteacher dommes some time?  You'd be really good at it. Take some cold cream for the journey home.  

On with the devine imiges...

Oooh!  'Not as bad as it just conceivably might have been'?  Wow, that's the nicest thing any woman's ever said to me after sex.  Usually, they just say something along the lines of "Sorry - would you mind moving a bit further down the carriage?". which I find very hurtful.

Males don't really need lobotomies, truth be told.  Still, if it makes the little woman happy, you might as well let her have her way, hmm?

In the end, she just went for a more direct approach.



Tuesday, June 12, 2018

My company was charming

Well, what am I supposed to do with the other 38 seconds, then?

Thank goodness she's looking out for me.

Don't try to argue or plead your way out of it - it's one of those Mars/Venus things, you know?  She's got some emotional issues that need to be worked out and until Gerald arrives, you're the only one she can turn to.

In the femdom community, athlete's foot is considered an STD.

You'll notice she hasn't put the surfboard on the fire yet. Another Mars/Venus moment, yeah?  Any ideas why ? Hmm?  No? Sigh...because she's waiting to see if you'll do it yourself without being specifically asked, you unfeeling brute. Obviously, this relationship is going to need a lot of work.

Friday, June 8, 2018

Future (im?)perfect

I know you all prefer the visions of a matriarchal future under the loving but firm hand of the divine Anne, but this blog is merely a place to record the facts and my time viewing device thingy does seem more and more often to indicate the coming of an altogther darker time. 

That said, this future is only dark, bleak and brutal for males.  So as far as human rights for actual humans are concerned, things are looking pretty good!

Tuesday, June 5, 2018


I've been a very bad wolf.

Actually, there's a funny story about this one.  It turned out there were no fewer than three Miguels on the beach!  So as you can imagine things got a little embarassing - and of course we soon ran out of condoms and beer, so I had to run back to the shop. Still, it all worked out OK in the end.

You can cary an orgasm donor card, you know: 'I want to help someone come when I die'?  Not that it really makes much difference, but prior consent is a thing with some people.

I think he's looking at her funny now.  Some men never learn, huh?

And the evening, and the next day too, if need be. One wrist can outlast a great many bottoms, as any schoolmistress will attest.

Friday, June 1, 2018

Beaten senseful

She's got a very playful personality.

This blog does like to feature male doms and sadists from time to time, in the interests of balance. 

Oh not the legs as well!

 When 'the mess' has been tidied up I'm going to be launching a formal complaint.  Think she's in trouble now? Just wait.

Don't tell her that Mistress Hilda's new boy has been branded with her initials... you'd never hear the end of it.

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Maids of dishonour

Just as long as I don't have to do the thing with the blow-up flamingo again.

He's lucky she's in such a good mood. When she gets cross, things can get quite unpleasant.
The delightful and sweet-natured Mistress Sidonia of the English Mansion, of course. She has a wonderful blog, full of unusual and interesting stuff.  I'm sure you knew that already.

The editors get a lot of letters like that. They have to hide them from their own wives, of course.

He came to the Sanctuary hoping to act out his fantasies about brutal rape.  Which, in a way, he did.

They look like they have high standards don't they?  Or maybe the surface was just very, very dustry. He'll be hoovering the bath after this.

 Here's an extra one.  Doesn't feature any actual females, so doesn't really count (the same principle should apply to elections and board meetings, in my humblest opinion):

Friday, May 25, 2018


Some men hope for threesomes.  Me, I'm lucky if I get a onesome.

She's also never owned an umbrella in her life.

He's not looking forward to childbirth.

The sounds the floor makes are very different from those made by wood planking.  But very pleasant, nonetheless.

Their ballroom is world famous.

Tuesday, May 22, 2018


And when she's sure she makes sure you're sure.

Giving until it hurts.

He is now.

Well, I hate being whipped, so I can see a difference of opinion there that won't be easy to resolve.  Still, better not tell her. It'll only make her cross.

They're already planning a sequel.  With different male lead characters, obviously.


Since you made it all the way down here (try to work more quickly next time, OK? My Blogger stats show that most readers reach orgasm by the third caption so there's really no excuse for needing all five) here's a little extra.

The Portly Polar Pinniped has the best collection of 'mainstream' video clips I have ever seen.  Many of them very much themed along the 'women's world' that this blog so often celebrates. He must be a busy little aquatic mammal and you'll want to check out both his uploaded videos and his playlists.

There's too many to single out all my favourites. But check out this playlist.  It starts with the Charlie's Angels clip you've probably seen, but press on as I'll bet there's good stuff here you haven't. Especially this (rather reminiscent of the Two Ronnies Worm that Turned of blissful childhood memory). Oh: and definitely  - def-in-ite-ly - this.  And so much more.

Flap your flippers together in appreciation of the portly pinniped!

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Street vendor

Just a quickie...

You want what, sweetheart?  ‘Humiliation’?
Yeah… look, I don’t really do the freak stuff, you know?  I mean… I’m still young and attractive… got lovely big tits, arse, yeah?  I generally go with men who actually get turned on by an attractive female body: I take my clothes off, they get hard, we fuck and that’s it.
Trouble with a humiliation scene, is I never know when I take my bra off whether you’re going to want to kiss my tits or put it on yourself, you know?  And if I take my knickers off you’d probably rather handwash them than fuck me, wouldn’t you?
There was a girl round here used to cater to perves like you, you know.  She didn't like them either, but she had these... like, cold sores? So normal blokes didn't much want to fuck her. She used to make her customers kiss her sores - said they couldn't get enough of it. Horrible.
I mean, you must get diseases, right?  I expect you like kissing and licking shoes, yeah?  You'd like to get down on your knees and lick away at the lovely red leather on these, wouldn't you?  Even though I'm out here on the street wearing them all evening. There's probably not an inch of this pavement that hasn't been pissed on by some beered-up bloke going home from the pub: you know that, right?  It's not like I step in puddles of the stuff but would you really lick the soles of these?  Even if they, like, stank of piss?  Fucking hell, you would, wouldn't you?
Look, darling, you know, two blocks down is where the really old tarts hang out.  You go down there and they’ll humiliate you all right – you can empty your wallet for some sixty year-old alcoholic with severe halitosis, you know? Cos I'm not going to get any real customers who want an actual woman to fuck, while you're standing here touching yourself like that.  
Yeah - don't think I didn't notice.
Oh god – you’ve got a stiffie, haven’t you? Is that just from talking to me like this, you pathetic loser?  Jesus fucking Christ that's sad.  How do blokes like you get so fucked up anyway?  Did you, like, get caught masturbating in your mum’s knickers or something? And then get hard when she spanked you over her lap? Or maybe it's some sort of repressed homosexual thing.
Do you know what street girls like me call sad old gits like you? We –
Oh? Oh fuck! Are you coming in your trousers?  Oh, you filthy fucking... is that just from talking to me?  That has got to be the saddest thing I’ve ever seen… I think I’m going to have to offer a free fuck to the next real man who goes past, just to get that out of my mind.
All done?  Great.
Do you want a tissue?  No?  Sure - cos there's a bit of a stain?  So if you're going back to work, I'd... No?  Done for the week?  Oh - lucky you!  Weekend starts here, eh?
All right, sweetheart. 
Take care now, OK?  See you next week.

Friday, May 18, 2018

World War M

One of our embedded reporters managed to send the following scenes.  We salute our heroines.