Formal disciplinary procedures

 I was once threatened with 'formal disciplinary procedures' by the Head of Human Resources at a company I was working for.  Needless to say, I initially misinterpreted her offer!  So it nearly got quite embarrassing but as soon as she explained that she wasn't speaking about HR matters in a work context, but just wanted to put me across her lap and spank my naughty bottom, we both relaxed and ended up having rather a fun evening.

 

Don't worry, it doesn't stay that impersonal.  She has pet names for each of her favourite interns - and for those she most dislikes, too, oddly enough.

She likes to give direct feedback on her employees' performance, so she'll probably end up asking if she can borrow the remote.

Expensive things.  That's why they call them 'expenses' after all.

Guys who sexualise and objectify women in a work context are the worst, aren't they?  I'm glad I published this post, so I can make my views on that clear.

What a very understanding work environment.  Basically, they are creating an unsafe space just for you.  I hope you'll be suitably grateful.

Inferior sex

It's the only kind I've ever provided, according to my SO.  Although how she can come to such a firm judgement after only one (barely even one, technically speaking) occasion escapes me.  Oh well.

Dommes can be surprisingly clumsy, for such elegant goddesses. I once spent a few hours tied to a cross on the floor of a BDSM club and it was just astonishing how many ladies managed to walk into me.  And all from the same direction.

It'll be all right on the day.  She'll make sure of that.

If you read that caption and ended up feeling almost unbearable envy for Pookie, then you're in the right place.

The lovely Maya Sin, who once slapped and humiliated Servitor for a few hours, providing much-needed certainty.  She seems temporarily(?) to have disappeared from the Internet but here is a page about her.

All of them?  Or should they come up in threes?

She had the right to remain silent, but I understand she waived it.

Leading ladies

Oh, it would be just awful lying across that skirt having your backside whacked repeatedly with a heavy wooden hairbrush, don't you think?  Awful.  No, no, please don't do that.

Well at least she's giving you a choice.

Oddly enough, it's quite common to experience a powerful orgasm at the actual moment of castration.  Usually the surgeon just needs to take a moment to get her breath back and then finish the operation, though.

I see a happy ever after on the horizon.

You know, I write a lot here about being told I was 'the worst fuck ever' on dates, but actually it's only happened to me once.

Divine Order

I worship her divine shadow.
 

I've had a few bruising relationships myself, but I usually have to pay for them.

Unless she forgets, obviously.

It's obviously preying on her mind, the poor thing.

I pay a sex worker to have vanilla intercourse, once a month.  She usually sends me a picture of the lucky guy.

She'll get round to yours.  You just need to wait very patiently.  Try shifting your weight from side to side a bit if your knees are starting to hurt.

Never say never again

Please?  Please don't say that. I'll be good, I promise.  I - 

Its ridiculous really. If she wants a curvy cock, what does she think this is, neatly tucked away in the tube around my scrotum?  Women, eh?

He'll be thanking her particularly fulsomely.*

Maybe I could have sex in the fields?  When the weather's a bit warmer, obviously.

I wonder what the question was... Honestly, who writes these things? Why be so obscure?

And new things about bears. I've heard they shit in the... anyway, I'm sure you'll have a very interesting time.

* 'Fulsome' is a word often mis-used to mean 'complete' or 'enthusiastic' when in fact it means 'excessively flattering or insincerely earnest'.  I once emailed a domme I was visiting, expresing my 'fulsome' thanks for my treatment in our last session, to be greeted next time by a Mistress holding a dictionary and a cane.

Snivelling

I do a lot of snivelling.  I feel it is an under-rated and much-maligned activity; you rarely see the word used in a positive context.

It is truly better to give than to receive, my SO always says, a particularly relevant thought to bear in mind in this festive season.

Go on then... let's get it over with...

Which nice things to buy, maybe?

He always wanted to be considered 'statuesque'. Now he will be.

To experience an after-life you have to have had a life, so I don't think this is what my future looks like.

When you're dancing slowly, sucking your sleeve

The boys get lonely after you leave.  I've featured this before, of course. 

I have to admit she's right there.

Breaking up is always painful - this no more so than most.

 

Silly old Kurt - fucks my wife, takes my money... I think he's just covering up feelings of insecurity.

No regrets, though. She doesn't allow them.

Awww...., isn't she sweet?  How could anyone say no to that?

Superior judgement

She didn't ask what Tony thought of it, of course. He'd have just the same opinion as Jane, anyway.

Don't worry, if you haven't brought one she's probably got something you'll be able to use to become really sorry.

They had to lift the ban on cruel and unusual punishments, of course.

They seem very nice, don't they?

Behind the scenes, the Avengers movies are a lot more femdom than they seem. I'll just mention that Iron Man is not the only one who wears a rigid metal shell, and leave it at that, I think.

Ladies in red

Men's libbers are actually firmly opposed to being spanked.  Most men are, actually.  But they always end up thankful for it.

I once paid a prostitute to have sex with me - booked with a credit card.  But when I opened the door to her, she looked me up and down, dug around in her purse, handed me the same amount in cash and walked off.  Which could actually be quite handy some time, if I'm ever somewhere with no ATMs.

Never try puppy play alongside an actual dog.  They're better at it. Much the same goes for sex and real men.  Don't even try - you'll just look foolish.  And you wouldn't want that.

 

Except that she's started by using social media to advertise, so her first clients are precisely likely to be your friends.  And your close family members.

She's sneaked a tub of lube into the bottom of your tuck box.  You know: to make the first few days a bit easier.  She's kind like that.

Would you lace my shoe?

Anything!

I think she might secretly be seeing another man. That or she's engaged a cleaning service. Bad news, either way.

But I don't have speaking privileges with Kate just now.  This doesn't seem fair...

Maybe you could be more specific, next time you're feeling horny - in about three weeks' time or so.

I think teenagers should take on responsibilities - for household chores, for example. My step-daughter's been supervising the way I clean her room and make her bed for over a year now, and she's done a really thorough job.  We're thinking of giving her responsibility for the way I do her laundry and ironing too.

Amen. The original of course is here.