Tuesday, August 12, 2014

For old times' sake

Oh hi!  It’s, err…, Mike isn’t it?  Oh wow.  Long time.

Well yeah, yeah I’m fine.  You probably heard – after we broke up I finally got serious about my work, and now I run my own business consulting practice.  I kind of split my time between here and New York, you know?  Although these days Shanghai’s almost as important.

So…um.  How long’s it been?  Oh – listen to me, what a stupid thing to say!  I know exactly when we broke up… not going to forget it.  I guess we’ve both moved on a lot since then!  I mean, I got so upset, didn’t I?  Why shouldn’t you ask me for a blow-job anyway?  I suppose I was really conflicted, because back then I didn’t have the confidence just to say no, so we had a scene and well… you know.

How about you?  Do you live round here?  Pretty swanky neighbourhood, huh?

Oh, did you?  Oh I’m sorry to hear that.  So many companies closing down lately, I know, it’s been tough all over.  Which one were you with?

Right.  Yes, they had a big rationalisation after they got taken over by that French company, didn’t they?  Is that when you lost your job?  I know, a lot of people did. I worked on the post-merger business plan, actually – that was my firm’s big break!  My client started calling me the Surgeon – you know, for all the fat I cut out of the company.  And the nickname got around and: 'Hey!  Send for the Surgeon!'  You know?  Really lucky break.

But anyway, erm... obviously tough for you…  But it’s nice to see you again!  I mean, just to say hello, you know.  It’s not like I’d want to get back together!  I mean, I spent  - oh it must have been years – hating you and loving you too, and thinking that I’d just pick up the phone and maybe we could get back together… give you a blow job.  It was usually that bit that put me off, actually!

Hmmm?  No, no serious relationships.  Actually, I usually pay for it these days.  That way, I can get exactly what I want and no fuss.  I’ve got so much money, I just prefer it that way.  They have to go down on their knees in front of me, and they have to be reluctant, but then I start handing them the cash, one note at a time and they give me oral sex… and I’ll tell you a little secret.  They have to pretend to be called Mike!

Whoops!  Too much information.  Moving on! 

So what are you doing today?

Begging on the street?

Oh.  I see.

Well, honey, let me see I’ve probably got a few notes here.  Yes – here you go.  I – oops, I dropped it!  How about that?  Go on: pick it up if you like. 

There it is – just down there in the gutter.