Curled up with a good book

My weekend newspaper's book review section always includes a roundup of the top five bestsellers in some literary genre: science fiction, historical novels, that kind of thing.  This week, they're focusing on castration lit.  I was heartened to see that this popular genre is breaking out into the mainstream at last, so I thought I'd ignore the law on copyright and share the piece with you.


I expect these are all available on Amazon, somewhere.  Incidentally, isn't that a great name for a company? 

Bestsellers monthly: Cast-lit

This month, our bestsellers feature reports on the castration literature phenomenon that swept the English-speaking world in 2016 and shows no sign of abating as 2017 draws towards its close.  Here are the top five on this month’s chopping block!

Find Out What you Mean to Me

Susan’s unhappy marriage turns into what seems likely to be a still more unhappy divorce – until Susan has a brilliant idea to turn her life around!  Her husband Oliver is a deeply dislikable character whose inevitable end on the cutting table we anticipate with growing pleasure – and we are not disappointed.  In the run up to this satisfying denouement, however, Susan must first learn about the tools of her trade – and there are newspaper boys, divorce lawyers and an unfortunate Anglican vicar along the way, to give her the opportunity.  Strictly by the numbers but if you enjoy scenes of men in agony, pleading in terror to avoid their richly-deserved fates – and who doesn’t? – this one is for you. 

Rising cast-lit star Liz Folgate, author of Find Out What you Mean to Me.

Scream Louder for Me: the Chronicles of Cutting, vol 5.

Patricia Layton knows what her readers like and reliably delivers it to them in a fifth volume of her popular series.  Literary critics affect to despise her contrived plots and weak characterisation, but no one writes a torture scene like Layton. Every male character we meet is going to end up strapped to a wooden block awaiting his fate in terror before too long anyway, so do we really care much about their motivations?  More than 200 million sales worldwide says that most of us don’t.

The queen of scream herself, Patricia Layton. Not a believer in cruelty-free fashion!

Sins of Omission

Many would not consider this debut novel to be ‘cast lit’ at all. Julie Melfoy builds her world slowly and with care, inviting the reader fully to enter it – and readers seeking a slash and scream experience should look elsewhere, as no cutting occurs at all in the first two-thirds of the book.  John Laurie, the main male character, is far from the arrogant obnoxious stereotypical man providing the meat in a typical cast-lit story and Rosie Vinners, his childhood sweetheart, no sadistic torturess. Yet their relationship seems always fated to end up with him on the cutting board and the path they take there is richly satisfying.  For readers who want literary ‘meat’ as well as the more ordinary kind, when reading about castration, this book is strongly recommended.

Can men and women ever resolve their differences without resorting to castration?  Sins of Omission explores this dilemma with flair and sensitivity.  The movie adaptation, pictured above, is eagerly awaited for 2018.

Pride and Penectomy

Olivia Rawston’s tongue is always firmly in her cheek in this witty homage to Austen.  Will Mr Darcy manage to save his family jewels?  Of course not.  Austen-lovers will adore Rawston’s wry and wickedly sadistic take on a classic, others will just enjoy the inventive use of agricultural tools as Elizabeth and her sisters turn the tables on their pompous suitors.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good set of genitals must be in want of a gelding knife.

Endgame

Dark and complex, this novel turns the established cast-lit plot on its head. The screaming never lets up, but this is no mere orgy of pain.  Instead of meeting a sequence of unpleasant men who will inevitably receive their just desserts, we are introduced to each character when he is already on the cutting-table and we learn his story through his desperate confessions. Initially, our sympathies are – for once – with the men, who seem to be the innocent victims, but the truth is slowly and oh-so-painfully extracted from them and we come to appreciate and admire the wielder of the red-hot pincers.  Her story is told only at second hand, through the agonised pleading of the men who have wronged her – but what a tale it is.  Be warned: this novel will make you think, it will make you weep and it may well change your life.  Shortlisted for the Booker Prize.

 

All of Endgame takes place in a single room but somehow the novel avoids any feelings of claustophobia. Instead, in its life-affirming conclusion, true freedom is found within the bare stone walls of a torture cell.

   

Oppressive perfomance

A bleak, totalitarian vision... just for a bit of sexy fun, obviously.  

I know this isn't everyone's cup of tea.  There'll be more tender, loving maternal discipline posts just as soon as I've completed my stint in the re-education camp, OK?  Shouldn't be more than twenty years, twenty-five tops.

 

Lap of honour

It's funny how much clearer things can appear, through tear-stained eyes.

Yes, I suppose I am.  I even irritate myself, sometimes.

Oh good.  Thrash it out, once and for all.

It must be awful for her, having a brutal boyfriend. Imagine how she felt: just having to stand there watching you being beaten up.

Well, that's settled.  Good. On with the ironing.

Shameful display!

20 minutes? Women, eh?  I can get there in 20 seconds, usually before I've even got my trousers off.

,,,and footboys are sworn to the code of secrecy.  Also, rarely if ever allowed to go out or communicate with anyone except Mistress.

They proved it scientifically, using double-blind tests. 125 blindfolded men were slapped across the face repeatedly, over a period of three years (while others received equivalent amounts of pain in other ways, as a control).  On average, memory retention increased by 2.3%, on a statistically significant basis. The effect wasn't uniform, though. Some subjects benefitted a lot, but fully 17% of the men receiving the slapping treatment were unable to remember anything at all from their lives before the programme started.  There's obviously a lot still to learn, but the Institute just received a €8 million grant, so research continues.

 

He likes her to be pristine for when he comes on her breasts. 

Just what I always say.  It's all very well to say that men and women should be equal in status and respect, but naughty bottoms don't spank themselves, do they, so there has to be some differentiation of roles in marriage.  That's a nice-looking corner, just behind them, by the way, don't you think?  I expect they make good use of that.

Taking liberties

There are a few other differences: for example, they use shorter words and less complicated concepts in the male stream, for obvious reasons.

I already wanted to be laundry boy.  Very, very much.

I've heard she's a bit of a sweetie in real life. Torture is just a job for her, you know?  She's awfully good at it, though.

No... no. I think that's all very reassuring.

This is the truly delightful (yes: another Lady with the misfortune to have encountered servitor in the quivering flesh), beautiful, witty and sexy Miss Tiffany Naylor. 

Oh, I don't know.  I think I'd quite like to be at least a little bit late.

Controlling personality syndrome

It's not a 'disorder', thank goodness.

It's a remarkable experience, actually wanting your penis to be smaller all of a sudden.

Should be a lot of fun.

It's kind of her to help him like that.  Spreader gags can be so impersonal.

My pleasure.

Cometh the hour cometh the thithy

The whole principle of arguing with women is intrinsically wrong

I'm not claiming the link is really on topic but (a) I like Simon Pegg (b) I like Sally Phillips too - rather a lot (c) she does say that and she topples him too...  After that, it's less interesting.

Meanwhile, more of this:

She's right.  You can have a lot more sex in a chastity belt than without one, oddly enough, especially if you're taken to the right clubs.

Of course Suzie won't mind at all, but it's kind of her to ask.  Consent - it's the foundation of BDSM.

I must say, I find all these lovers' pet names a bit embarassing, don't you?  Goodness, if I were Brad I'd be cringing with humiliation right now.

I mean, obviously, the two of you can always use a gag when you play, but I've always thought that really spoils the sensation for the woman.  A muffled 'mmmpph' can be cute enough, but sometimes what she really needs is a good, sustained session of agonised, terrified screaming.  Yum.

Actually, he is still experiencing a paid-for abduction fantasy.  Only difference being: it's hers.

 

Good manners never hurt anyone

Bad manners, on the other hand, can you leave you sore for days.

See what I mean about good manners? He's approaching the conversation in a polite, respectful way.  I am sure she'll give him a fair hearing and explain the reasons for her decision, in return.

Now this looks like an example of someone going all sulky and silly about things. She offered him a choice.  She didn't have to but she did.  If he won't respond graciously to that then... well, there will be consequences, let's just say that and leave it there.

She's very keen on good manners.  Impossible girl.

See how fair they're being?  They're going to calmly debate it and they'll only keep on whipping him if it's what the majority wants to do. I hope he'll accept the decision graciously, even if it's not what he wanted. Not that it affects anything, whether he accepts it or not, but it's more polite.

My SO went to the Caribbean. - Jamaica?-  No, of course not. I don't get to tell her what to do - I'm her slave.