Another quick one

Oh, hi - is that Mr Harris?  Good morning, it’s Lisa here from Megabank Card Services.

I’m very well, thank you.  Now the reason I’m calling, is our fraud detection system flagged some of your credit card transactions as unusual, so I just wanted to check that those were really you.   It’s probably fine, but we just need to check.

 

OK, so can I just run through some recent items?

Right,  now on Thursday you purchased two books from Amazon?  “Dealing with sexual failure” was one I think, and “Spanked in front of the girls”?  OK, fine.

Then the next day, I’ve got a purchase of a web subscription, 3 months non-recurring, to “Diaper boys and strict nannies”? And then a purchase of premium access to the same site, two hours later?

 

Fine.  And then the next evening there’s a charge for “Samantha Strict’s chatline”?  No?  Oh – that wasn’t you?  Are you sure?  OK, well we’d better log that.  Only there’s several, you see.  There was “Small penis humiliation”, for £45, then two hours later I’ve got “Wank on my command”.  So I’d better alert our fraud department, and start a –

 

 - what’s that?  Oh they were you?  That’s fine then, because…oh yes, don’t worry.  It’s strange how quickly we can forget these things, isn't it?  It’s just as well, because there was another this morning:  “Piss boy humiliation”.  Oh – and one’s just popped up on screen from this afternoon: “Beg to cum”.  That’s probably why your number was engaged when we called 10 minutes ago – you’d have been just finishing that one off, I expect.

OK, well if that’s all fine, I can clear the suspected fraud flag.  They can update your profile, you see, so that similar purchases won’t set off the warnings.  That way I won’t need to keep bothering you by phoning up - I expect you’ve got better things to do!

And your profile will be updated throughout the bank’s systems.  That way we can provide you with better, more personalised financial products and offers, you see.  Whenever you call, or if you drop into the bank, whoever you’re talking to will have all your details in front of them on the screen, so they’ll know exactly who they’re dealing with.

Now, is there anything else I can do for you today?

No, not at all.  My pleasure.  Bye now!