Monday, October 20, 2014


A 'turning points' story.

Darling, can we talk about last night?  About the party?

Yes, I know you had a bit too much to drink.  That's what I want to talk about.

No, you were fine.  Just a little tipsy.  Not like Mark.  You weren't being drunk or embarrassing, or anything like that.  I just wanted to talk to you about the game.

The game of 'consequences', of course.  Have you forgotten playing?  We did one round, just before the Saxtons went home.

I've got all the strips of paper here, you see?  I got them out of the wastepaper bin.  Now - you had a blue pen, didn't you?

Oh don't try to pretend darling, yes you did, I know you did.

Right, so let's have a look, shall we?  Hmm...let me see.  I'll just unfold them.  That one's OK, you went first but um...yes!  What about this one?  I'll read it out.

"President Obama" met "Humphrey the Cat" in "a cattle market in Australia".  He said to her "There are better cakes in Portsmouth" (that'll be Mark, of course.  Anyway, doesn't matter.) She said to him "That's six of the best with my cane - pull your shorts down!"  And the consequence was "the Bee Gees reformed and released a Garage album."

You don't remember which of those was yours?  OK, let's try another.

"Mr Tickle" met "a strict headmistress, flexing her cane menacingly", in "Transylvania".  He said to her - well, it doesn't really matter, does it?  I do recognise my husband's handwriting.

Or this.

"Adam Ant" met "Seven of Nine" in "Cardiff".  He said to her "the flowers that bloom in the spring, trala, have nothing to do with the case".  She said to him "Because reasons".  And the consequence was "She put him across her knee, and spanked his naughty bottom until it glowed."

Honestly, I could have died of embarrassment when we read them all out.  Mark whispered to Gerry that you should be sent to bed early with a smacked bottom!  And everyone heard him.  Everyone except you, apparently.

If it was just a joke, it was a very silly one.  But perhaps there's something we need to discuss, is there, darling?  Because if you want me to put you across my knee and spank your naughty bottom until it glows, believe me - you've picked a very good day to find out what it feels like!

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