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| If he's lucky, he's going to be a shower head. But he's not been enormously lucky so far in his life, alas. |
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| That reminds me of a date I went on once, actually. It was a pub quiz and our team came last but oddly it was only right at the end that my date told everyone she was the first and second prize. So I had to hang around for an hour or so, while the winning and runner-up teams collected their prizes. Then she said she was tired and just wanted to go home, so I walked with her. I thought I might be in with a chance but she said she never kisses on a first date, so that was that. Still: I didn't get kneed in the balls, shat on or made to suck off any gay friends, so all in all I count the evening as a success. The second date didn't go so well, unfortunately. |
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| Lots of men make this mistake: she's asked you about your day so she wanted to be asked about hers, right? Right? And now you have chores and you don't have permission to speak, so it's too late. You unfeeling brute. |
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| If they're quick they can catch happy hour. And then there's a cabaret, but obviously they won't have time to stay for that. |
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| I've always had a weird phobia about Scrabble, ever since this girl I knew at school followed through on her threat to make me "eat my words". The little tiles weren't so bad on the way in, but even with rounded corners you can certainly feel the sharp edges when they come out again. I was bullied quite severely when I was at school - did I ever mention that? And afterwards, too, of course - but at school it was free of charge. |
