Monday, January 31, 2011

New endings for some old favourites

Sometimes the endings of fairy tales need a little modification, to bring them into line with modern conceptions of male/female roles...

from Snow White and the seven dwarves

My my, such a dear little house, but you really don’t clean it properly, do you?” said Snow White.

“Would you like me to help out around the place and get it all spick and sparkling span for you?

“Yes, yes!” chorused the seven dwarves, even Grumpy forgetting himself enough to join in with enthusiasm

“Well then, here’s my dear little whip!” said Snow White, with a merry laugh.

“Now, start cleaning up this mess and if it isn’t spotless by suppertime, well, there’ll be seven darling little beaten bottoms at bedtime, now, won't there?”

from Beauty and the Beast

“So if your true love kisses you before the last petal falls, you resume your true form as a handsome prince? gasped Belle, staring at the wilting rose.

“Yes” replied the hapless beast.

“One kiss and all of this castle and kingdom will be restored as it was before I was enchanted, and I will assume the throne. But if the petal falls first, I remain a beast for ever, without even the power of speech that I have now.”

The two gazed at the rose, in its glass case. Having perhaps been disturbed by their footsteps on entering the room, the last petal drooped gently down, hanging on to the stem by the merest thread.

“A beast for ever…” murmured Belle, absent-mindedly stroking the collar and leash that she held in her hand.

She started tapping the glass case gently with the end of her riding crop.

“But still rich, right?”


  1. Ha, I love these! I hope there are more where they came from. :)

  2. Thank you, Underling. There will be more, but of course I can only write them when the Muse strikes me.

    Fortunately, the Muse takes Her duties seriously, and rarely holds back.