Thursday, July 25, 2013

Through the window


Oh, hi Mr Travis!

Are you leaning out just to say hi to me, or are you –

Oh dear. Again?  Oh poor you.  I think it’s awful the way she makes you bend over the window sill like that when she’s going to beat you. It must be so humiliating! I guess that’s part of the punishment, huh?

So what did you do this time?

 Did you?  Oh. We girls are quite particular about the way we have our dresses ironed. Ask your lodger next time – I might be able to give you some advice. Pleats are hard, though.

So is it the paddle again? I had a friend who used to get the paddle from his dad when I was a kid.  He used to say it hurt like hell.  One day his dad caught him saying that and paddled him double for profanity.  Kinda fair, I guess.

No? Oh.  I thought you got the paddle.  What are you getting then?

A what? A “quirt”? What’s that?*

Oh. You mean, kind of like a whip? Oh boy, that sounds pretty rough. You get that just for messing up the ironing?  Gee, you get whipped just for pleats not being straight.  Your wife is kinda strict, huh?

Second time? Oh, OK. I guess you got the paddle last time, huh?  Well, didn't that make you kinda take extra care, this time, - and -

Yeah.  Well, pleats are hard.

OK. Well anyway, I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I mean – I guess you’ll feel uncomfortable enough pretty soon! I’ll just swing here for a bit. I’ll try not to look at you, when –

Oh, hi Mrs Travis! How are you?

Yeah, pretty good. Isn’t it great that the sun’s out again? I could just be out here all day.

Hmmm? No, no he hasn’t been round with the lawnmower for a while. Well… yeah, he did say he would. But it’s OK. I quite like the grass this long. Any time’s fine.

No really, I don’t mind! I’m sure he had other things to do and – well, all right. I guess he’s your husband, huh?

Oh - and if he's coming round anyway?  Do you think he could cut back some of the bushes, going back to the garden house?  Only they're growing over the side and it's... Well, I guess I could just ask him.  But I thought I'd check with you first, because - oh wow, is that the 'quirt'?  Boy, I'm glad that's not for me.  Wow, that's pretty serious, huh?  What's it like when it -


Oh my god! Did you just - ?  Wow, that was a real crack, like a - oh my god.  Are you sure he's OK?  He looks kinda - oh are you gonna do it agai - Oh MY GOD!

(Hurriedly) OK, well, I can see you guys want to get on with it so - OH! Wow!  Three.  That must really hurt! - yeah, I'll just... actually, I left my book inside.  See you!

The end

* this:


  1. So endearingly naïve. Like the light touch there with her adding to his torment. After all aren't males there for the betterment of all women in society?

    And women are there for the betterment of all men just as Mrs Travis is doing.


  2. Thank you. She is a little bit naive perhaps, but she's only recently moved in as their lodger.

    I expect she'll get used to it in time - especially when Mrs Travis goes away for the weekend, because then she'll be left in charge.

  3. Both sides of the whip have a happy history of learning quickly but for one not quickly enough.