Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Famous for more than 15 minutes

Oh hey!  How are you!  Wow, I guess I haven’t seen you since –
Well, yeah.  I guess you could call it ‘that’ date.  The date from hell, huh?

Oh but look, I’m kinda glad I ran into you.  I mean, you must have some pretty awful memories from that night – I mean the way you were crying when I threw you out and stuff aaaand I just didn’t want to leave it like that without, well -

 - without telling you how much blog traffic I got when I posted about it!

I mean, really.  “Impotent crybaby” just got more traffic than anything else I’ve ever published.  And when I put up another post – you know, about how you said maybe you could get hard if only you could sniff my trainers – well, wow!  I mean, my blog’s been like, in the top 1000 ever since.

You’re even an internet meme.  Pretty cool, huh?
Oh, you must have seen it.  You put up a picture of some – like – total catastrophe, like an earthquake or something and then you write “But maybe if I can sniff your smelly trainers, it’ll all be OK?”

Didn’t you realise that was you? "Needy fucked up loser".  That's you!  You're a star.
Oh my god!  Are you crying again?  Hold on, let me get my phone.  I have got to take a photo this time!

Where are you going?  Hey come back! 
Oh don't be a spoilsport!  I just wanna… I –

I have trainers in my bag!  And I went running this morning.  You want me to - ?
That’s right.  Trainers.  Smelly old stinky trainers.

That's better.

OK, we’ll start with you kneeling down there.  No, there.  That's right.
Look up at the camera, honey.  No – don’t dry your eyes.  And now up at the bag where the trainers are…that’s right.  How much do you want them?  Hmm?  How much?  Show me how much you want them.  Because you won’t get them unless I see those tears flow, asshole. 
That’s right.  Oh boy.  Youtube fame, here I come.

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