Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Oh, hey loser!
Yeah, I did want to see you. Imagine that! You, actually talking to me.
Anyway, I heard you’d been, like, perving around trying to find out about my party, so you can come to it? But you know, it’s only, like, for attractive people, so you can’t go?
Well… are you really desperate to be there? Really? I mean really desperate?
OK, that’s pretty pathetic. So I’m going to help you out.
See, it’s going to be a real blast. There’s going to be a lot of guys there, and they’re going to drink a lot and get pretty blasted and there’ll be, like, drugs and stuff, you know?
So, the place is going to be pretty trashed, and my folks have said that if I leave it in that state again, I’m going to be grounded.
So – here’s the deal. You can come to the party, as long as you’re not there too early, and as long as you clean up, OK?
How late? Well… I guess it would be OK for you to arrive by about 3am. Most people should have gone by then.
Anyway, when you get here, you go to the utility room and you put on an apron and get some brushes and cloths and things and start cleaning up, OK? There might still be some people partying by then, but I guess most people will have gone, or they’ll be making out, or just chilling, you know? You can clean around them.
So – the first thing will be cleaning up all the food, and spilt drinks. You can have leftovers, but no alcohol, OK? You’re a clumsy idiot when you're sober, so I am not letting you drink. And make sure you get any vomit up straight away, because that smell can really linger. Scrub at it with a stiff brush and plenty of water.
And you just keep on cleaning until you’re done. No vacuum cleaner before I’m up next day, OK? If that thing wakes me up, I’m going to make you put your cock in it and put it on turbo. And our vacuum cleaner’s really powerful, so you don’t want to make me do that. Do not for one second imagine I'm joking.
You’ll have all day, if you need it, to get it all straight again. My folks are coming back early the day after.
OK, so you’ll be there tomorrow night? Good.
Well? Are you going to thank me for inviting you to my party, you ungrateful little shit?
OK, that's better. Now fuck off.
Oh – one thing? If my folks aren’t satisfied with the way it looks? And I’m grounded? Then I will make you regret that every single day for the rest of the year. Do not test me.
And if anyone asks, tell them I’m paying you to clean, OK? I don’t want them to think I invited you. In fact, bring some money that I can hand you as your wages.
OK, you can leave now.