But I've learnt a trick about pleasing women which I find works almost every time. The secret is not to put your own sexual needs first, you see. Many women are quite pleasantly surprised if you don't insist on sex. Just hand over the money in an envelope and leave.
After all, you can always masturbate later, jerking off to pictures on the Internet, alone in your squalid little room. While she gets on with her life.
|Frequent flyers get extra benefits, including staying behind for an hour after landing to clean the whole aircraft.|
|Her birthday's in eleven days time. She doesn't like too much fat on her boys, you see, but you should be nice and thin for her by then.|
|You can actually fry them up still attached for maximum freshness, but many people think that's going a bit too far.|
|Plenty more where that came from, so come on - get it down.|
PS - as some of you might know, Blogger provides stats on where the traffic is coming from*. Mostly Femdom Resource, Google and my Tumblr site, but it also tells you which searches on Google led people here. Now, normally these are fairly obvious things involving femdom and bootlicking and suchlike wholesome matters**, but this morning we had: "kellogg's frosted mini wheats original, 24 ounce box" and "Brita water filter replacement cartridge".
Woah. There are some things that are just too kinky even for me. Take your weird grocery obsessions elsewhere, OK guys? Let's try to keep it clean here.
* no, stop worrying, it doesn't tell me anything about who you are. Except you, Tom from the US. Oh - and you too, Mr Collins from the UK.
** and "contemplating the devine" with depressing frequency. Use a dictionary if you're not sure, you stupid males! That's not even a word, OK?