Speaking strictly

Generally, violence isn't the solution.  But in this case, it probably is, if we're being honest with ourselves.  Not just impertinence, but habitual impertinence, after all.

 

 

Why do I find this the scariest captioned photo I have ever posted?

 

 

Cool. This could be your lucky break into movies.  Maybe when you've recovered, you could see about getting an agent?

 This of course is Cruella, and the sublime Lady Victoria, from the very first set of magazines after the company was founded.  She haunted my adolescence... still does.

 

Well, she used to, anyway.  I think she might have lost it, actually.  Doesn't really matter, but just so you know.

 

 

 

OK, so you're probably not going anywhere here.  Still: you haven't been rejected as a sad, useless and unattractive excuse for a man... you've been rejected as a sad, useless and unattractive excuse for a man by Billie Piper!  Huh?  Not bad, huh?

The divine

 

 

"Actually, I have a weird story about that.  I got an email once from a guy called Servitor who has some sort of kinky sex blog all about whips and chains and stuff.  Anyway, he said he worshipped me as a goddess!  Really worshipped.  And he asked for a signed photo, so he could kneel and pray before it each day.  Well, I was in a funny mood, so I thought OK, I might as well make one little life a bit less sad, so I sent one to him.  I didn't sign it but I wrote a note with it to say that when he knelt in prayer to it, he had to kneel on broken glass every day, as a penance for his sins.

Hmm?  Oh I don't know.  Like I said, I was in a kind of funny mood.

And then about a week later, he sent me a picture of him doing it!  Actually doing it!  Can you imagine?  And his knees were all bloody and…eurgh.   He called me ‘Mistress Anne’ and begged for permission to stop.  Said he could hardly walk!

Weird huh?

Oh no, I didn’t reply.  I mean, that’s how you get stalkers.  Actually, I gave his picture to my security guys, just in case.

Hmmm?  No, that was a couple of years ago now.

Yes, I suppose he could still be doing it.  Wouldn’t that be freaky?  Maybe I should tell my security people to watch out for a guy hobbling along on crutches.

There are some real weirdos out there, aren’t there?

So, let me tell you about my new movie..."

Triptych

Servitor worshipfully presents a triptych of Strict Miss Zoe*.  That's a piece of art - usually with a religious theme, as here - in three parts**.  Did you know that?  Now you do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* Strict Miss Zoe can be found at http://www.strictmistresszoe.com, among a few other places.  And she can be found, and met, in England, and I have, and she is just lovely.  Such a sweet, fun and friendly person.  Well, and very painful too, obviously.  In an adorable way.

** It should really go across to be a proper triptych, actually. And fold out. But it doesn't. I bet that's just spoiled the whole thing for you, right?

Turning points

A bit of a change of pace today.  As regular readers will know, Contemplating the Divine is not known for subtlety.  Most of the reprehensible material posted here depicts femdom situations that are brutal, non-consensual and occasionally anatomically impossible (click here).

So, let's try something different for a change.  These are captions that are NOT about female domination.  Not yet.  Each presents the very moment at which a vanilla relationship just might take a more flavourful turn.  And then there's a choice to be made: your choice.  The red pill or the blue.  Donna can turn left or right.  Sure, the choice you make in this situation could lead eventually to life in slavery...but it doesn't have to.  Turning points.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crying behind the tears

Never mind.  They can't spend the whole two weeks discussing your sexual inadequacies, now can they?

And you can play out 'small penis humiliation' scenes even more effectively!  You like SPH, right?

Plenty of time.  Brain damage sets in quite quickly, but it's a few minutes after that before any vital organs are affected.

Well, she seems very determined.  Just as well, at those hourly rates.

This is of course, the divine Eleise de Lacy, of Femme Fatale fame.  Wonderful lady, wonderful site. 

Time to pull out that faded old copy of the pre-nup and refresh your memory about some of the other terms she insisted on putting in.  I'm fairly sure many of the more painful ones are illegal, though - maybe you could have a word with the learned lady from the previous picture?

La belle dame sans merci

More images of female domination, captioned ones.

Just scream to let them know when it's back on, would you?

 

 

If I want to keep those stats up, I guess I'm going to have to start offering housework tips here...

 

 

Mmm...well, that was fun.  Schoolboy session next month - four hours in detention writing lines, wasn't it?  Something to look forward to.

 

 

Men - being crude and ignorant - need to train themselves to watch out for these subtle clues.  Or women need to train them.

 

 

Yes.  Then they'll definitely be gay.  And married!

The dignity of labour

Hi honey!

Listen – I was talking to my accountant the other day, and I was telling him all about how humiliated you feel, out of work all this time, and entirely dependent on me – and he –

- Oh don’t be silly. I don’t have secrets from my accountant! -
Anyway – he had the most brilliant idea! He said, why don’t I set up a company and employ you! I mean, I can easily afford it. I get paid more money for one day’s filming than you used to earn in a year, after all! It’s nothing to me, really. Just loose change.

Hmm? Oh I don’t know, it doesn’t really matter what you do, does it? He said he could run up some meaningless forms, and you can spend the day filling them in or something.

And he’s found an office across town where you can do it. Quite a way off – you’ll be commuting for a few hours each day. Just like having a real job! Isn’t that exciting?

Oh no, too late to pull out now. He’s already bought the office block. It was just a few millions, and apparently there’s some kind of tax dodge so it doesn’t really cost me anything.

And he’s already found someone we can pay to be your boss. Hmmmm? Oh, I don’t know. Some awful sweaty old guy, I think. He’ll be on your case all the time, apparently. That way, it’ll feel more like you’re really earning your money, won’t it?

So – you’ll have your own money, and you won’t have to depend on me for everything! Won’t that be great? Minimum wage, of course, but we’ll get a performance management system set up, so maybe you can earn bonuses and promotions for working extra hard – that kind of thing.
Of course you can still live here, sweetie! But I’m going to charge you rent!  So you'll feel really independent and self-sufficient.  And I'll tell the maids to stop cleaning your room.

But I still get to buy you presents, OK? You’ll let me do that?

Great. Maybe I can keep on choosing your clothes, just like now. I like doing that.
Hmm? No, you don’t need to buy new clothes for the job. You have a cute little uniform. It says “Hathaway Enterprises” on it. Isn’t that sweet?

And if there's ever anything you really want to buy - that you can't afford - you can always ask.  You know that don't you?  It's not as if the money means anything to me, but for you it'll be a big deal, now you're paying for yourself, won't it?  So maybe when I do buy you things, now they'll be that much more special!

Oh, no, don't worry about that, darling!  Like I said - it's really just pocket change for me!  If I just do one more commerical in Japan, or something like that, apparently it's enough to employ you 9-5 every day for the next ten years!  Isn't that amazing?  So don't worry about the money - I know it seems like a lot to you, but it's nothing for me, nothing at all.  The important thing is that we need to build up your self-respect!  That's all that matters!

Just think how proud you'll feel in a year's time, if you've worked hard and I give you a pay rise!

Servitor's handy hints for safe bdsm play #182

This week's handy hint: safewords!  After this picture!
 

 

Now, here's someone who looks like he's going to need a really good safeword.  Let's see how he gets on, shall we?  We'll check back on him at the end of the blog post.

 
 
Here we go with Servitor's top ten words or phrases that are unsuitable to use as safewords:
 
10.  More please
 
9.  Eyjafjallajökull (unless you're Icelandic, in which case Vanhankaupunginselkä will do just as well)
 
8.  I hardly felt that.
 
7.  That was great, Mistress.  Now I just need a blow job to finish me off!  I'll pay you extra, if it's a good one.
 
6.  (your bank account details)
 
(top 5 after the picture)
 
 

 

Listen: whatever safeword you choose, don't be like this silly old fool and forget what it is, OK?  It might seem a bit of a chore to learn it carefully, but really, when you're screaming the place down and begging for mercy for the last half hour of your session, you'll wish you'd repeated it to yourself just once or twice more.  You know?

 
5. How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?  (but you have to pronounce it right)
 
4.  కష్టం నాకు విప్
 
3. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.  However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters.
 
2. I think you should stop, you're not doing it right.  My last domme was much better.
 
...number one after the picture (you're getting the idea, right?)
 


Now here's an interesting situation. Can there be any doubt that the only acceptable safeword for the bottom to choose here is "Ninety, thank You Mistress"?


 
...and the number one winner, with more than twice as many votes as the next most unsuitable is...
 
...wait for it...
 
 
1.  Bitch
 
 
 
There we are.  Just another handy hint from Servitor.  Annoying the hell out of dommes, so you don't have to.  Testing No. 1 was pretty damn painful I can tell you, but it's all part of the service.
 
Let's see how our young test subject got on, shall we?  Did he choose a good safeword?
 

 


Oh dear. Better keep checking in with Servitor's handy hints!

Oh - one last thing!  Remember, readers, never - ever - confuse anything you read on Contemplating the Divine with serious bdsm advice.  OK?  Play safely now! 

 
 

Extra duty

Hey honey.  How are you?

Oh – yeah, well quite a day. You know we’ve got this terrorist suspect? Well, I was in charge of his interrogation this morning, and he broke completely – but he hadn’t done anything! I mean, I made quite sure. We had a full three-hour session, and he was screaming and begging and pleading for mercy, almost from the start. You know?  I'd already learnt everything before I even started on the second fingernail! He was completely innocent.  Of course, I had to do the rest, and the other stuff as usual - got to do it by the book!

Apparently he was only here because some ex-girlfriend of his was cross with him or something, so she tipped off the security police that he was plotting to bomb a bridge.  It's really silly, the way they'll just bring someone in for that sort of thing!  Such a waste of all of our time - and his life and career of course!  Apparently, he was some sort of computer programmer, and I don't suppose you can do that without fingers.  I think someone should have a word with that ex-girlfriend of his.

So I reported at lunchtime that he was innocent, and do you know, that silly old cow Colonel Travis wasn’t satisfied! Said she thought maybe the suspect was ‘holding out on me’ and maybe I needed to 'be a bit harder' on him. Ridiculous! I mean, I know when I’ve broken a man.

But anyway…orders are orders, so I had to go back and do a full afternoon session as well. You should have seen the look on the suspect’s face when I appeared at his cell door again! Shrieking in terror – frantically scrabbling at the walls to get away. He was desperately begging to be executed… especially when I said I wasn’t going to be as easy on him this time.  Poor thing.

Of course, I didn’t find out anything new. He confessed to everything in sight, of course, but it was just because he was so terrified. Especially when I started on his eyes - they always hate that.

Hmmm? Oh yes, he’s still alive. There’s not much left of him, of course. Anyway, Cow-nel Travis had gone when I finished, so I just left the report on her desk. If she has me go back and do him again in the morning I’m going to be so cross! Still – I left a few bits untouched, just in case I have to.

What?  No - not those bits!  Honestly, you men!  One track minds.  They came off early in the afternoon.  Shame - he was kind of cute.

Oh don't be ridiculous!  How can you be jealous?  Quite apart from the fact that there's not much of him left, I think he'd be too traumatised for the rest of his life even to speak to a woman, let alone -

Oh were you joking?  Sorry, honey.  I'm still just so keyed-up over having my professional judgement questioned like that.

Anyway…one of those irritating days. Grrr! 

How about we skip the movie, order a pizza and you can take away some of my tension…hmmm? 

Cuando las mujeres atacan

The title is a tribute to my favourite tumblr at the moment, which for a long time I assumed went by the name of "When women attack", until I bothered to ask Mistress Google what it meant.  And a much better title than mine it is, too.

So, on we go.  Another post, featuring several hovercraft full of eels.

Lily looks rather sweet, doesn't she?  Not mean at all.  Odd, that...

 

 

Oh dear, they're going to be so embarrassed on Monday!
Also on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday - oh, and then really mortified on Friday, when I understand the girls have something special planned.

The lady of course is from Planet Femdom, where Nanshakh paintings come to life...



One of the advantages of male submission, as compared to other sexual perversions, is that you can use it for self-improvement.  My Significant Other taught me to fold my shirts properly, for example, by showing me how and then hitting me until I got it right.  It's useful on business trips.
Not a particularly amusing or wry comment, I know, but it happens to be true.

From SchoolMistressFantasy - but my virus checker gets alarmed by this site, so I won't link: your choice, your risk.

Of course, if they start coming out the other end it doesn't count.

This is Mistress Elektra Skye, for whom I can't find a dedicated site - but she's here, among other places.

Yes, Ma'am.  Miss Hurley.  Ma'am.

Locked in abasement

It's where you'll usually find me.  If you can be bothered to look.

She feels your pain.  But not quite as much as you do.

 

 

It's supposed to look like that.  But then - you're supposed to be caned, too.

 

Let's hope it's not a third six.  It can happen, though.  I once rolled a huge pile of dice and almost all of them came up six.  I can't remember exactly how many, but it was at least seven of nine.

 

 

You wouldn't think dommes would be so indecisive, would you?

At least one of these magnificent ladies is the awesome* Madame Sarka, formerly of the OWK and now of herself.  If any 'readers' can help identify the other lady, I will be grateful.

 

 



One art critic described her work as 'a joyful celebration of life, movement and freedom', which is rather ironic, when you think about it.



 

 

 

 

* When I use the word 'awesome' it should be understood in its original sense, meaning 'inspiring awe', rather than it's modern sense (pronounced 'ossom') meaning 'quite good'.

Party animal

Oh, hey loser!

Yeah, I did want to see you.  Imagine that!  You, actually talking to me.

Anyway, I heard you’d been, like, perving around trying to find out about my party, so you can come to it?  But you know, it’s only, like, for attractive people, so you can’t go?

Well… are you really desperate to be there?  Really?  I mean really desperate?

OK, that’s pretty pathetic.  So I’m going to help you out.

See, it’s going to be a real blast.  There’s going to be a lot of guys there, and they’re going to drink a lot and get pretty blasted and there’ll be, like, drugs and stuff, you know?

So, the place is going to be pretty trashed, and my folks have said that if I leave it in that state again, I’m going to be grounded.

So – here’s the deal.  You can come to the party, as long as you’re not there too early, and as long as you clean up, OK?

How late?  Well… I guess it would be OK for you to arrive by about 3am.  Most people should have gone by then.

Anyway, when you get here, you go to the utility room and you put on an apron and get some brushes and cloths and things and start cleaning up, OK?  There might still be some people partying by then, but I guess most people will have gone, or they’ll be making out, or just chilling, you know?  You can clean around them.

So – the first thing will be cleaning up all the food, and spilt drinks.  You can have leftovers, but no alcohol, OK?  You’re a clumsy idiot when you're sober, so I am not letting you drink.  And make sure you get any vomit up straight away, because that smell can really linger.  Scrub at it with a stiff brush and plenty of water.

And you just keep on cleaning until you’re done.  No vacuum cleaner before I’m up next day, OK?  If that thing wakes me up, I’m going to make you put your cock in it and put it on turbo.  And our vacuum cleaner’s really powerful, so you don’t want to make me do that.  Do not for one second imagine I'm joking.

You’ll have all day, if you need it, to get it all straight again.  My folks are coming back early the day after.

OK, so you’ll be there tomorrow night?  Good.

 

Well...?

 

Well?  Are you going to thank me for inviting you to my party, you ungrateful little shit?

 

OK, that's better.  Now fuck off.

Oh – one thing?  If my folks aren’t satisfied with the way it looks?  And I’m grounded?  Then I will make you regret that every single day for the rest of the year.  Do not test me.

And if anyone asks, tell them I’m paying you to clean, OK?  I don’t want them to think I invited you.  In fact, bring some money that I can hand you as your wages.

OK, you can leave now.

Self-discipline

They say that self-discipline is a very important trait to develop.  But it's just never as good as the real thing, is it?

On we go, burbling and stumbling gradually into total irrelevance.



He was known as a bit of a ball-breaker too, which is actually rather ironic considering what happens to him when the laundry isn't done to everyone's satisfaction.

Aren't they great? This is the Dutch airforce.  Well, not all the Dutch air force, obviously.  Found on this rather unusual tumblr (I don't often credit tumblrs, but this is a bit different) http://dommesmilitaire.tumblr.com/  If anyone knows of a country that's likely to be invaded by the Netherlands in the near future, do let me know, as I think I'd like to be oppressed by these people.  

OK, thanks to an anonymous commenter below, I now know this is not the Dutch air force, but the US air force.  In Alaska.  Not Holland.  Well... I was close.

Still, I suppose that will at least make the task of finding a country likely to be invaded by these people a little easier.  

Kind of puts things into perspective, don't you think?

Oh for goodness sake!  I'm into femdom because I don't want to make choices!  Why are so many dommes so soft?

 This is an image from Cruella, the Lady Victoria - who was presented as the Editrix of their magazines.  Of course, that was long ago, before the Internet.  1990 or thereabouts, and I a callow young student, nervously travelling down to London to buy a brown paper bag of magazines... aye, we made our own entertainment in them days, you know.

In some households the husband fucks the maid, too.  But not in this one.  She doesn't have the key, anyway.

Yes, that'll help get you in the mood to take your weddings vows.  Not the wishy-washy ones during the church service.  The real ones, just before.