Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Working it out

Yes, what is it?  Well, I've got a little time.  This boy down here is being very slow.  Go ahead.
Oh yes.  I did say I’d allow you a reasonable number of orgasms, didn’t I?  That was part of the deal.
All right, so let’s work it out.  How old are you?

46?  Are you?  Silly old pervert.  It’s funny, isn’t it, cos I’m just 19, and here you are letting me take charge?  I wasn’t even born when you were my age now. 

Oh well, anyway.  So how long you’ve been masturbating?  Since you were thirteen?  Nasty little baby pervert, you were back then.  Weren’t you?
I asked you a question.

That’s right: you were a nasty little baby pervert.
And you’ll have had – what – six a week?  No?  Maybe five?  Oh dear, can’t you?  Blimey, not exactly god’s gift to women were you?  All right, call it four.

Well go on – work it out.

Still waiting!
33 times 52 times 4, yes.  Is…?

(Sigh)…yes, you can use paper and a pen.  No – hang on!  A pencil.  Off you go.
6864?  Are you sure?  Cos I’ll check on a calculator later.  And I’ll cane you the difference if you've got it wrong.

So…6864 sweaty nasty little orgasms, all on your own with a dirty magazine.  Yes?

Right.  Well that sounds like plenty to me.  I don’t think we need any more of those, do we?

I asked you a question.

That’s right: we don’t need any more of them.  So that's that.

You're going to have a lot of time on your hands, aren't you?  I think we'll have you write out some lines.  Like a naughty little schoolboy, caught playing with himself.  "Masturbation is a filthy habit and I am very grateful that my Lady has given me the opportunity to spend my time writing lines, instead of playing with myself."  Got it? One hundred times. 

So how long will that take you?

Oh, no.  I think it'll be longer than that.  A lot longer, I'd say. 

Well yes, obviously it's 100 lines per wank.  You need to be punished for each, don't you? 

I asked you a - that's better.

Of you go, then.  Get yourself some paper and get on with it.  Plenty to do.

Tell you what, when I’m 46 I might let you have a celebratory wank, OK?  If you remind me.  And if you can still get it up when you're 70.

Or I might not.  I'll have to think about it. Plenty of time.

(The Lady in the picture, by the way, is Lady Sophia Black and she is just as beautiful as these pictures suggest and twice as creative and evil as the little story above pretends.  She is, in short, wonderful.)


  1. Those lines will take some time.
    At the speed I write each set will take just under and hour and forty minutes. Not too bad.

    The full 6864 sets of 100 though is a bit more of a challenge. If I set to and write for 8 hours a day 7 days a week I could have them blasted off in only 3 years 9 months and about three weeks.

    Even if I start now I will miss the Olympics in Rio as I will be busy.
    ho ho

    Actually I don't really need to write that many as I have not been allowed to wank for years and anyway I am busy writing "1 banana 2 banana 3 banana 4.." 1400 times in yellow ink. I guess she is thinking monkey business.

  2. Do you have anything better to do for the next 3 years, 9 months and about three weeks? Hmm?

    Well, then.