Friday, April 29, 2016

I'm so hot for her, I'm on fire for her

yet she's so cold.  And so's the tub of cream in the bathroom cabinet, if she'll only let me out of this corner to go and get some. Please, Mistress. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.

It's not about you, do you see?

Actually, you can fit a sub in either way round. She's just got it wrong, that's all. Made an embarassing, stupid mistake. Do you want to tell her, or shall I?

I could add a caption here, but what does my opinion matter anyway?

It's important to understand the power dynamics of your bdsm relationship. Frankly, that's important at any time, but it's particularly important when you're naked and dangling helplessly from the ceiling.

It's good she's decided to treat you as an adult, for once.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Adult content warning

Persons proceeding past this point will encounter no genuinely adult content whatsoever, merely juvenile humour and sexual innuendo written by someone with the emotional intelligence of a teenager. You have been warned.

Let's hope he enjoyed wishes 1 and 2.

Not very politically correct. Perhaps I need to be politically corrected.

Don't worry, she'll give him a 10% discount for all those extra hours.

These gender roles are essentially all social constructs anyway.  Why should we have to conform to a role because of what sex we are?  What if I choose not to do the housework, hmm? Well... I get tied across a chair and thrashed, obviously. But I could if I wanted to.. and didn't mind the beating. That's the point.

Self-harming is such a waste.  When there are people out there who'd love to do it for you.

Friday, April 22, 2016

Humbled in her presence

Of course, for her it'll be very different from having sex with you.  Longer... more enjoyable...and more frequent too.

Don't worry - it'll be very special for both of you, I am sure.

And weekly confession too.

Sometimes men need a little encouragement to make the right choice of their own free will.

She has a point, you know.  I'd say more, but I've a leash to fetch.
The wonderful, stern Miss Cassie Hunter, the Hunteress, of course - who rather thrillingly could surely not give a rats arse about this blog one way or the other. Mmm.. contempt play.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Simply divine, darling

These things happen.  So do canings.

Pnk's nice.  It's a bit showy but manhide isn't cheap, so why not flaunt it?

You have to hold the toungue very still while you do it, basically.  And of course, you can't really use a gag, so you have to not mind screaming.  Fortunately, she doesn't.

Works for me.

It's not the actual intercourse, it's the cuddle afterwards, I find.

Monday, April 18, 2016

Oh, I hope there'll be jellyfish

The servitor who uploads material to this blog will be on an undeserved holiday for the next few weeks.  Normally awful service will be maintained, through the magic of 'scheduling' and comments - especially abusive ones - remain as welcome as ever, but will not be responded to (so the grovelling apologies must wait).

The jellyfish thing? Oh yeah. This.

You know, I heard once that feeling sad and lonely is just your body's way of telling you what an unpleasant person you are to be with?  Makes a lot of sense.

I'm slowly working my way into her affections, I reckon.

Mmmpphhh grtrrth.

Of course, they'll need to use something else to achieve the burning sensation.  Hot coals, maybe? They're very creative.

Hope there's some beer for me.

Friday, April 15, 2016

Fear and loving

Oh, no. Not Lucy.

They do furnish a room.

It's a good idea to have it written there on the fridge, to remind you both that it's overdue.  I'm sure she'll get round to it, though - no need to nag.

Boring old politics.  Still, you'd better go along to look pretty on her arm.

You could kiss and make up.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Extra service

Hello, Business Answers?  Natalie speaking. How can I help?

No, this isn’t actually the Chesham AB Nursery.  We’re a business answering service.  The person you’re trying to contact… errr ‘Nanny Stern’?  She’s busy so she’s switched all calls to us.  But I have a menu here I can take you through to try to process your call, if that’s any help at all?

An appointment?  Sure.  Tuesday week… not looking good.  Maybe Thursday?  Thursday.  4 – 6 pm OK for you?

Fine… now I need to take some details for the booking.  Do you have a customer code?  Got it.  Right – there you are.  Mr Franks, yes?

So…last time, you had… let’s see.  Bedwetting, smacked bottom and nappy humiliation?  That OK for you this time too?

Fine.  Well that’s all booked for you.  Thursday week, 4pm.

Now, Mr Franks, as you’re on the line, I wonder if I could talk to you about insurance on behalf of one of our other clients?  You see, these days many people don’t properly provide for – 

Mr Franks?  I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard that, I - 

Mr Franks?

Mr Franks?

Well, that was a bit rude.

Insurance…let’s see, we’ll call that ‘unsure’.

And back with Chesham AB Nursery, let’s see what we can do about that rude word shall we Mr Foulmouth Franks? … Hmm…  ‘mouthsoaping’. Perfect.  Oooh: caning too!  Well, why not?  How many?… oh I don’t know. Why’s it all in sixes?  12.  No, let’s have 24.

And we’ll schedule a follow-up call about the insurance for the day after.


Hello, Business Answers?  Natalie speaking. How can I help?

Friday, April 8, 2016

Mistress and Commander

Celebrating the more militaristic side of our little hobby.  Destruction, brutality, war, death... it's sad there are these things in our world, but there's nothing wrong with having a little sexy fun with them, is there?

As a British citizen, I don't actually carry ID, but I do have an ownership tattoo, so let's hope that will suffice.

It happens. You know, the ninth Women's Gestapo regiment once managed to lose an entire infantry divisions-worth of POWs. Careless, but war's messy, right?

Her way's a lot quicker, too.
Obviously enough, a lovely image from the British Institution.  You know, there are lots of organisations called "The British Institute" of this, that and the other.  I hope they enjoy the ocasional accidental surf to prison.

Don't worry. You get at least four more opportunities for appeal. We are going to fight this!
The divine, lovely, commanding Mistress Eleise de Lacy is no longer associated with Femme Fatale films and is cross with them (but oh, it's wonderful when Mistress Eleise is cross with you, as I can personally attest!).  So I won't be linking to them, for images featuring her.  And the not-always-in-charge Miss Woods is here.

Right, like her name's really Vinyl Queen, huh?  Dommes, eh? Do they think the rules don't apply to them?
  I'm guessing that's who it is, from a Google Image search.  Do correct me if I'm wrong.

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Customer services

Yeah, this is FDproducts. What the fuck do you want?

What?  No, of course we’re not going to exchange it. If it ripped when you tried to put it on, it’s your own fault, isn’t it, you fucking moron? You were probably putting it on wrong.

No, I do not want to hear how you put it on, you little pervert.  My day’s going quite badly enough without having to listen to a graphic description of some sweaty old balding guy trying to squeeze himself into a latex French maid outfit.

What?  Consumer rights? What fucking consumer rights?

Look, let’s get something straight, right?  You’re a submissive male, correct? Right.  And what am I?  That’s right. I’m a woman.  And women are…

‘Goddesses’, yeah, OK.  I was thinking of ‘the superior sex’ but that’ll do.  So does a sub talk to a goddess like that?

No he fucking does not – quite right.  So you can start speaking more respectfully, you little shit.

Well yes, as a matter of fact I do think you should apologise.  Down on your fucking knees!

And to show how sorry you are, I think we’ll have a financial penalty.  Let’s see – what’s the most expensive item on our web site… mahogany whipping bench with attachments. Right – you’re buying three of those.  Then maybe you can spend any money you have left paying someone to strap you over one of them and beat the crap out of you.

Yes, we do take Amex.  But you have to ask very, very politely.