The importance of terror in a healthy relationship

Often undervalued, don't you think?  It's the chill of fear striking deep into my stomach, as I watch the minute hand creep closer to the appointed hour, the hesitancy with which I approach the door and the tremble in my hand as I reach out for the doorbell that - for me - makes it more than just another way of getting bruises.


Ahem.


Next!








Don't be fooled by that severe exterior.  She's actually a very kind person.  Why did you know, she gives 20% of all your money to animal charities?



Of course, she'll need training.  The Headmistress reckons that Mr Jones, the maths teacher, might be available to assist.

Apparently, the new one has voice recognition.  You have to train it to recognise your voice, though.  So you say "Clean the floor." If it doesn't do it - press the red button to zap its balls.  Then repeat the command.  It's quite uncanny how accurate and responsive it can become.



That Raoul has always had a wicked sense of humour. Remember that time he told her you'd called her a bitch? 



What a lucky man you are that someone so attractive takes the trouble to despise you.

Should men have the vote?

Not such an obvious question as you might imagine.  Yes, on the one hand, obviously women should make all the decisions.  But in our present, highly imperfect society, dominant wives effectively get two votes and owners of stables of slaves get a whole bunch.


I'm actually really interested in politics, myself.  I like to watch all the debates, and sort out the issues in my mind, as it helps me guess which party my Significant Other is likely to tell me to vote for.


Here we go again - femdom captions all right for you?  Lovely.

Last fancy dress party, she wore her leather outfit and you wore that little maid dress.  The time before she went as a strict schoolteacher and you as a schoolboy.  It's just as well your parents don't know anything about this stuff, or they might begin to see a pattern and stop inviting you.

As you've probably discovered by now, the world is full of beautiful women who really want you to fuck off.  I find that usually I know that without them even needing to tell me any more.  It's a Mars/Venus thing, really.

I think the club has a special lapel-pin you can wear.



She probably won't actually tell him, in order to avoid panic.  If he needs to know, he'll know.





Isn't she pretty?  Don't pictures like this make you feel you don't deserve even to be scraped off the sole of her shoe?



Another rather unimaginative headline featuring femdom captions

With a big hello to search engines from all over.


Now, after a headline like that, I suppose there had better be some captioned images of female domination, hadn't there?

But also more enjoyable for her.  There's always an upside.

So with this one I - ow! - excuse me, I was just - OOH! - I'm sorry, I really...ohhhh that hurts!...need to move on to the next.  No caption here.

OW!  No better!

Right.  Think calm thoughts.  It's funny - we give our cat the stuff in tins as a treat, and the dry biscuity stuff for normal food.  So when my wife makes me eat the contents of one of the tins, I guess both me and the cat are unhappy about it.

Isn't it an awful feeling?  When you just know you're going to have an argument. But all arguments end, you know that too.  And you'll be a better husband for it, after all.

Service

No means no

Something too few men understand.  When a woman says no, that's just what she means.  No you can't stay out late.  No you're going to stay down there until I come.  No, not after your behaviour this month.  No, you signed the contract and that's that.  That sort of thing.  Get used to it.

For some reason, that particular paddle is called "Angela".  She might call you at work, to let you know that Angela's going to be coming around that evening, that kind of thing.

It's nice to know there's someone to pop in to feed them, if need be, so you don't need to leave them any use of their hands when you're away for a week or two.

You're allowed to discharge yourself, you know.  You just need to fill out a form.  You have to ask her for one.  And a pen.

It was such a relief to their mother, whose arm used to get quite tired in the first days of their marriage.

Read more from the adventures of Cinderella here!

It's a bit like being a kid again, isn't it?  Those feelings of longing and anticipation for months before...and then it's not exactly what you wanted, or it just doesn't turn out as expected?  Still, being able to deal with these feelings is what makes us grown-ups, right?

Blessed art thou among women

There seems to be a discontinued Christian blog, that had the same name as this one.  I occasionally like to run headlines like that, to make a few minds explode.


Rather naughty, I know.  Fortunately, it seems I'll be getting a beating quite soon, so there will be penance.


More sinful pictures below:




Bet you're glad you didn't look at their bottoms, aren't you?  Oh.  Oh dear.



Actually, the way the ones who are already thin react to the starvation diet can be even funnier.

Come on - don't be such a baby!  It's not as if she hasn't whipped you before!

My favourite place.

Another little service you can do for her.

Devotional blackmail

Better hurry up and get used to it - you're late for work.



Planning a session...hope it's like this.



She really appreciates it, because she knows how uncomfortable it makes you feel, seeing her in lingerie like that.  You can go and run some cold water over it if you like - but make sure you dry it off, so it can't rust.



...and I'm certainly not allowed to write it.



Men can get so frustrated waiting for women to get ready.  It's a good thing she has you to help.

Some more found femdom

Here's one:

This has to be the kinkiest thing I have ever seen on TV.  It's a show I've never even heard of, and it seems almost painfully stupid in every way.  I think watching any other episode would probably make my eyeballs explode.  Not a line can be uttered without gurning, not an actor acts without over-acting.  You can almost hear the 'ba-boom' after each obvious punchline.  It's hard to believe it's aimed at adults.  And yet it ran with one episode that contains everything that the Exit to Eden movie could have had and didn't (you'll see why I compare it to that terrible film if you watch it).

Look: a warning to people who take their BDSM seriously.  This is just a joke about the lifestyle, using it as an excuse for a cheap laugh, OK?  I know that offends some people, and I understand why.  Personally, I find mainstream depictions of the lifestyle that are just kitschy stereotypes rather erotic - in a way, the cartoonishness is oddly part of the attraction.  If you want to see a celebration of the seriousness of the emotional commitment of an S&M relationship, this programme is not for you.  Nor's this blog, probably.

But the leading actress is icily attractive, and there are some nice scenes with good stuff going on, mainly in the background.  So anyway, if you like that sort of thing (and I warn you again - it is quite stunningly stupid), here you go:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/2594/jack-of-all-trades-x-marquis-the-spot

PS - the Hulu thing will only work if your computer is located within the USA.  But that's why we have proxy servers, right?  Of course, you didn't hear that from me...

And another...

If you're British you probably already know this, but there's an (equally kitschy!  Less explicit.  Less stupid.) episode of Space 1999 - Britain's rather strange answer to Star Trek - called Devil's Planet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnZ3sYIvLqo

The ladies with whips appear around 8 minutes in.  Though at 7, there's a sequence of a spaceship crash-landing that's really rather good for 1977!

In the novellization (oh yes: as a teenager I scoured the bookshops until I found it - bet that volume outsold all other Space 1999 books) came the line "I shall hunt him down and from his skin I shall make a whip!".  It still haunts my dreams.

Learning to disrespect myself for who I am

I went on a course at work this week that included a module on building self-esteem.  Fortunately I'll be visiting my Significant Other soon, and she can usually put it right back to where it should be.  And it gave me an idea for one of the captions below.


On with the captioned images (of female domination)!






I think she's due a pay rise.





How did you get on?  Did you?  So did I.  Never mind - maybe next time.



You don't have an inferiority complex, you see - you actually are inferior.

Never mind.  These things happen.

 

The worst of it is that she's a multi-millionaire film star.  It's not as if she needs the money.

Even more femdom captions than that - and some found femdom

Hey, has anyone out there noticed how much femdom there is in ZZ Top videos?  I was watching one for the music (I do, secretly, occasionally use the Internet for looking at things that are not porn - hope I never get found out), and was transported back to happy days in front of the TV as a teenager, desperately hoping for something pervy.  Anyway there's this.  And this (give it time - or skip to 2.00 or so and look out for the treatment of the guy in the pullover at 2.20!).


If you like power-dressing 80s babes with big hair that is.  Oh, I do.  I really do.


Then there's this, in a very different style.  You have to get near the end to work out what's going on.

Hmmm.  ZZ Top.  Beardy perverts, eh?


Anyway, on with the show:




Actually, even if you don't recycle them it's still better than all those nasty plastic bags.






He graduated top of his class in hairdresser school.  After all, he had mastered the art of studying in med school.  Being whipped for poor performance helped, too.

 

It wouldn't be so bad, if the things she said about him weren't so personal - you know?

It's her favourite part of the day.




Actually, when you really think about it there are lots of reasons why life might be easier without balls, around Anne.  There's Tuesdays for example.  She usually comes back from the studio feeling rather grumpy.  That'll hurt less after tomorrow.



Even more femdom captions

The title today is perhaps a little unimaginative.  But as the most popular posting I have - by far - is one called "More femdom captions", I thought I'd avoid the tortous unfunny puns, or references to early 80s soft punk, and just go straight for Google's g-spot.


So - look out for posts in the future amusingly captioned "A few more femdom captions", "Femdom captions and the real truth behind 9/11" and of course "Oi Google! - over here for the femdom captions".


Still the only Google result for "hot chicks in empire-line dresses", though!  That'll bring the traffic.


Onwards...






A man can only be pushed so far.  Ithink he's reaching his limits.





It's a shame because actually he has a very high IQ just now.  Still, astrophysics doesn't get the toilet clean, does it?  He'll be happier this way. Or if he isn't, no one will care. 



 

That nurse might be a bit cross with you, for getting her into trouble like that.  Still, I expect she'll put the local anaesthetic in anyway.  She's a professional, you know.

Sorry - bit of a strange mood today.

Isn't she kind?  Let's hope she's in a good mood tomorrow morning.  Try not to look too disappointed if she says no, though - she doesn't like having her decisions questioned.

Learning to crawl

Chrissie Hynde.  What more could there be to say on a blog about female domination?  Chrissie Hynde.


Anyway, that was Chrissie Hynde.  Here are the captioned images of female domination.




Actually, it's only by making mistakes that we learn.  Well: by making mistakes and being whipped for it, I mean.



Don't worry - you'll have plenty of time.



He was hoping for a new ironing board but managed to hide his disappointment.




What a lot of text.  Click and zoom, click and zoom.  Y'know, I've always thought those 'guardress' uniforms are just so...so...excuse me, I really must click and zoom.



It must be such a relief not to have to cope with all that begging for mercy, not to mention the hysterical screams.